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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Is being married for life possible?

There are few certainties in this world, but many of us want the certainty of a marriage that will last forever.

The challenge is if we strive for certainty in our marriages, this need can without knowing kill a couples passion for each other and this, in turn, kills their connection.

When a person has a lack of certainty for whatever reason they can create distorted behaviours that negatively affect a couples connection and trust in each other.

People are looking for a love that’s certain a love they can control. The moment love is controlled it dies!

Here are a few ways the need for certainty kills their connection.

  • They may be uncertain if they are enough for their partner so they hold back or become needy.
  • They may be uncertain if their partner really loves them
  • They may hold back in the marriage just in case it fails.
  • They may be uncertain so they must control their partner in some way.
  • Some people use jealousy or lack of self-esteem to control their partner.
  • Childhood may tell them no one can be trusted so be on your guard.
  • Some are far too certain what they give to their partner is enough to keep them in the marriage.
  • Some wrongly assume they know how their partner thinks.
  • Some are certain their problems will just sort themselves out.
  • This list is endless…

So there is an important message that I want to share.

The way so many couples are creating their certainly is actually creating the very reverse of what they actually want.

You see once someone has agreed to spend the rest of their life with you that doesn’t mean the deal is done.

The deal is never done because that person can leave and in their 1000s they do, and at any age.

So many people are shocked that they are on the edge of divorce.

Some are shocked their partner has left them, some are aware they had some problems but ignored it and some had no clue it was that bad.

I’m not sharing this so people can now focus on the worry that their partner could leave, I’m sharing this so it can wake up people who are making their marriage worse without knowing.

True certainly for couples comes from understanding how to add significant value to each other.

Entering a marriage with the mindset of “what am I going to get” is going to result in the reality of – not very much!

Successful people in life understand the concept that adding value is critical for their success.

So how does a husband and wife add value to each other?

This is where the problems start.

Men and women are not connected on this at all – in every case I see!

An example: One gentleman said his wife gave him a list of things to do to make her happy. She had not been happy for a while. The husband who loved his wife did exactly what she asked, and she confirmed this in the session.

The wife agreed he had done everything she asked, but she wasn’t any happier.

This is a concept I come across every day.

I had to help them both understand the critical needs that would lead her to emotional connection and emotional security for her.

Many people become unhappy when their critical needs are not met but have no idea how to articulate them.

This is a significant frustration for both people and is challenging to understand without professional help.

How can you meet needs for someone when they don’t know what they are?

Adding value through communication…

Let’s now add in the complexity of communication where so many couples suffer.

Communication in an intimate relationship is not about listening and thinking you understand them.

Communication is about accurately translating the meanings that sit behind each other’s words.

Most people are using the wrong translation tools to understand their partner words resulting in them putting the wrong meanings on what each other says.

Not being able to communicate is a factor that creates a disconnect and a loss of trust.

This is why I generally don’t put couples into a session together until they understand how to translate each other correctly and then be of value to each other.

True certainly in a relationship comes from a couples ability to contribute to a relationship so it can grow in a meaningful way for both people.

Couples need to grow together through all life stages and no matter what life throws at them.

  • Certainty comes from being a team and designing a purpose for being together.
  • Certainty comes from two people supporting each other to find and be the best of themselves.
  • Certainty comes from two people focused on each other rather than themselves.
  • Certainty comes from being able to truly see what’s great about your partner.

Far too many couples are creating a distorted focus about their relationship, and this helps them protect themselves, and for many, this can lead to an exit.

Relationships are complex and showing couples a safe path to discover their truth is what I have dedicated my life to achieving.

For many couples who would have divorced a new understanding about their connection and why they struggled has helped them find a new way forward.

One lady told me, without this knowledge they would have divorced what helped her was reading all the success stories on this site it gave her hope there was a way forward.

I must stress that not all couples should be together, but that finding out the truth can help avoid years of suffering.

 

 

 

 

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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10 Harley Street
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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post
  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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