Far too many couples are seeking divorce because they see it as a solution to an unhappy marriage.
Divorce is a solution, but it isn’t a solution to marriage problems.
The solution a divorce creates is simply to create a legal division because at least one person cannot see a way forward.
I know some very unhappy people just want to escape the pain and suffering and I totally understand this, but it might be time to stop and consider what’s really going on because divorce regret is a real problem.
You see in the quest for freedom the person can end up more trapped in future problems that they are blind to today!
One lady was convinced her last 3 partners were the problem until we worked together and she discovered that she was a significant reason the marriages ended.
She was visibly shaken – she never knew. She said why are we not taught this why do people let us marry and they don’t tell us.
My response to her was happy people do not look for what their problem might be in the future – everyone assumes divorce won’t happen to them.
Getting a divorce does not overnight educate two people to become effective relationship partners.
So when is divorce the best solution
Divorce is the best solution when the couple has learned and understood the real reason why they should no longer be together.
Not what they think or feel, beliefs and feelings are not facts. Divorce is right for a couple when it’s clear the couple is an ineffective team and this knowledge takes understanding.
Many people see their prolonged unhappiness as proof enough that it’s time to leave but…
- Like the lady above what if they are actually part of the problem that’s lead them to their disconnect?
- What if they don’t have an unsolvable marriage problem what if they have a communication problem that’s exhausted them?
- What if they never designed their relationship for success?
- What if they never took the time to understand their differences?
- What if their childhood has created destructive beliefs and patterns?
The problem with seeing divorce as a solution to a marriage problem is the person can find themselves repeating the same problems in the future.
Second marriages have a much higher divorce rate for good reason.
One reason is people are choosing the polar opposite of their last partner only to find that doesn’t work either.
So if divorce is on a person’s mind, expanding the moving parts of what’s really happening and why can create a far safer way forward.
I share with all the clients I am not trying to fix their marriage.
I am helping them discover how to become effective partners in a way that helps them feel great about themselves and adds value to each other and their future.
When they do the work they’ll wake up to what doesn’t work and why and this is where each person can take responsibility for the success of their own life.
This way they can judge for themselves if any person or relationship is right or wrong for them, and this can arm them to keep the toxic stuff at arm’s length and embrace loving healthy connections.