When couples experience problems in their relationship an automatic pattern usually appears. Couples find they have a need to withhold their love. They do it for two reasons firstly to protect themselves and secondly to punish their partner for the way they have been treated.
This pattern is automatic because we are conditioned growing up to move away from what causes us pain, plus society teaches us to punish a person when they have behaved badly.
The problem with pulling love away is it actually hurts the person who is pulling the love away and to make matters worse it actually hurts the relationship too.
If you want to live in a passionate relationship that lasts then pulling love away will never get you that goal. Your partner is likely to mirror you compounding the effect of destruction and moving you bit-by-bit towards resentment and loss of respect. Loss of respect can quickly lead to the end of the relationship.
Think about it: When have you felt more love towards your partner when they punish you? Of course no one does so we know this doesn’t work, but most people still do this without thought.
So we now need to search for a new solution, a solution that will grow the relationship, a solution that will bring you closer together after conflict building mutual trust and meeting each others needs.
Discover how to do this and a very different relationship will emerge.
So what outcome are you after with your partner?
- Do you want to destroy your relationship or do you want to grow it?
- Are you not sure what you want you are faced with pain whichever way you look?
- Do you want to keep the relationship, but you don’t feel happy in it?
Learning how to get through to your partner is critical, it’s very common for men a women to not understand each other and so resentment triggers the destructive behaviours.
It doesn’t have to be this way! There are ways to grow you relationship through conflict, it’s just society does not teach it.