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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“It’s a binary game! Your connection is either getting better or it’s not”!

When relationship problems become complicated, couples need simple yet powerful strategies to help them out of their problems.

So when the couple interacts, the question is very simple.

Is each interaction making their connection better or worse?

It’s a binary position.

I say this because many people can see their approach isn’t working, but they keep repeating the same patterns anyway.

I have seen a couple in a session both tell me precisely what isn’t working, and they then play that exact pattern out as they disagree with each other right in front of me.

Repeating the same pattern knowing it isn’t working and not liking the result, isn’t this the definition of madness?

Of course, these people are not mad; what they lack is understanding.

In most cases, either they have run out of ideas, are waiting for the day the penny will drop, and their partner will see things their way, or assume their partner is the problem.

In essence, both people can think they are right, leading them to assume the other must be wrong.

What they are not seeing is their partner is not wrong at all, just different to them.

Over the years, I have met so many people who lack the critical insight into their partners’ world, so they never find the alignment and connection that will keep their passion for each other alive.

They judge their partners’ behaviour as wrong and then protect themselves from the meanings they attach to their partner, unaware those meanings are unfair and inaccurate.

Many wrongly assume their partners’ world is the same as theirs, but this couldn’t be further from the truth, and this lack of knowledge will kill their ability to reach their true potential.

People who keep failing to connect can, in the end, give up, so they stop looking for how to make it better and, through resentment, end up making it worse almost as a goal.

In essence, they stop caring.

In every case, each person’s world couldn’t be more different and not knowing this is a fundamental problem.

So with this fundamental lack of knowledge, how can each person make the situation better.

I know plenty of people trying to make things better, unaware that what they were doing was simply making the situation worse.

When two very different people look at their disconnect, they struggle because they don’t see the same problem or route to reconnection.

In essence, they both want to be happy, but their route to that point is very different, and most people are totally unaware.

They are both trying to achieve very different emotional positions.

This is why the couple cannot connect.

They simply do not understand how to fulfil the binary game of choosing to make their connection better.

They are both not seeing that it’s not their fault; neither person is naturally designed to understand the other.

I have seen so many couples resorting to trying to connect with what they both like or can agree on as a means to emotionally connect.

It’s like putting a sticky plaster on a broken leg.

They can use their love of their dog, improving the home, they connect on their love for kids who will leave, holidays can make them happier in the short term.

None of this will ever give them the emotional depth that really creates a connection that triggers attraction and passion.

IMPORTANT – There is good news for the binary game.

Understanding can be learnt, and the binary game for most couples can be created.

If a person can affect their partner to feel worse emotionally, they can also help them feel better. They just don’t know how yet!

One of my clients who learnt this process wanted to help you by sharing his experience.

His story was complex, significantly more challenging than most couples I see, so if that couple can use this knowledge to reconnect, then there is hope for many couples who feel hopeless. 

Remember, nature has not designed us to understand each other, this takes a new level of understanding and thinking.

His words…

“After 30 years our relationship was becoming fractured. 

The pressure of failed communication and failed understanding left us at crisis point. 

My history and way of dealing with things exacerbated the situation.

Stephen has given us both techniques that have taken our marriage away from the brink. 

I will remain eternally grateful. 

He is a good man. Listen to him”.

Category iconCommunication,  Loss of passion,  Marriage Coaching,  Personal Development

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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