We all have a past and that past has created us to be who we are today. We use our past to learn how to live. We model our parents so we know how to react when life feels wrong, or someone has treated us badly. We learn from our parents how relationships work. We model not just them, but all those around us as we grow.
So as an adult now, were those models the right ones for you? Were your partners models the right ones?
- You only have to look at your life now to know the answer.
I see so many people who have pasts that have helped them to create coping patterns, beliefs and ways to live that make it impossible for a growth orientated relationship to flourish.
The couple just exist, in a box they call home.
There seems to big a big dilemma over the question, has my past affected me, the answer is yes! It’s how you learnt to live and keep yourself safe. Have a think now, when life doesn’t feel good to you, and you think about what you do in that moment, who do you think you copied? Was it mum or dad? Who does your partner copy?
Some people tell themselves stories that keep them stuck, some people have beliefs that they are no good enough, or they are not worthy of love.
It’s almost like they cast a spell on themselves and it’s based on something that happened to them in the past.
These coping patterns, these stories, these limiting beliefs about who you are? Are they really true?
Some women find themselves living with a man, but he feels like a boy to her? She loves him, but her attraction for him has gone. Some men find themselves living with a woman they feel they can’t please?
Where has a man learnt how to be so needy and child like? Where has that woman learn that punishment and withholding love is her answer to more love?
Simple behaviours done in the wrong way could just be destroying the very thing you want to keep?
Is this where you are? Do you not feel safe in your relationship when you try to imagine your future?
Is your past going to be a mirror for your future or are you going to take control and make a change now!