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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I’ve spent years trying to change my husband – What did you say to him?”

The biggest challenge couples with marriage problems face is not taking action quick enough. They don’t see a very real danger that’s right in front of them. They wait and wait until it gets really bad for both people and then they seek help.

The story your about to read is why it’s so important not to wait. If she would have waited until she was ready to get help they would have lost their marriage. He did what any man should do, he stepped up in a quest to save his relationship.

So this couple were booked in for an initial consultation with me. I had spoken on the phone initially with the husband so I had a little background on their story.

He told me his wife was very nervous and very skeptical that a meeting with me would do any good. I told him she would be looked after and to communicate to her my mission was to get the best possible solution for them both.

On the day of their initial consultation I received an email telling me his wife had changed her mind and point blank refused to come to the meeting. She said she wasn’t ready and it was too soon!

I got the gentleman on the phone and said it’s a shame to miss your meeting why don’t we run the meeting now over the phone with just you and I. He agreed…

On the call he shared his version of the relationship, as he was talking I could hear that his approach and actions were actually going to shut her down and make it far worse.

I told him that his actions were going to help her see him as a weak man and this had to change if he was to have any chance, he instantly agreed. To be clear he wasn’t a weak man, but almost any female would translate his behaviour as weak and very unattractive.

I offered him 4 meetings with me to deal with this specific problem.

He accepted and a week later he was in my office.

In this meeting I helped him understand why his wife would see him as weak, what was likely to be happening to her historically, what was likely to be happening to her right now.

I started to open his mind to her experience! Now of course I had never even spoken to his wife so I didn’t have her specific story, but years of experience told me that she needed him to step-up and be a man for her.

His actions were very likely to help her see him as not just weak, but also bullying and controlling.

As I shared the very real potential of her experience, what he started to see was another world appear, her world!

As he connected with the possibility of a significant difference in the way she would be thinking to him and how she would be translating his actions, he could see that for years he was making things worse for her.

As things had become worse for her, she ended up defending herself and detaching from him emotionally.

To rebalance this he became more controlling of her.

To help him understand I drew on the office flip-chart a model of her experience. I then put in his behaviours.

Instantly he could see what he was doing that wasn’t working and why. I knew his old destructive patterns were dying in that meeting as I explained the pain he was creating in her and what that pain would create.

He shook his head “I had no idea, so what do I do?”

I helped him then see how to react to her that would probably confuse her initially, but if practiced consistently would help her to believe he could change in a meaningful way.

I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks, until I got a message saying she wanted to see with me on her own.

So a very confused lady entered my office eyes darting round the room, she sat on the edge of the chair. “How can I help you?” I asked.

“I’ve spent years trying to change my husband – what did you say to him in that one meeting?

She shared with me the dramatic change she was seeing in him. How protected she was starting to feel by him, how important she felt to him, feelings she had given up on experiencing ever again.

I then shared with her the human behaviour model I shared with him about her experience of him. She smiled and said “He MUST come and learn everything from you” we both laughed.

As the session drew to a close I asked her a question. You were so nervous about coming to see me you cancelled your initial consultation.

She said she didn’t want to come to see me because she didn’t think it would make any difference, she thought we would simply go through lots of painful memories which would just make it worse.

She felt her situation was hopeless, thankfully she learn’t just in time she was wrong.

Many people can be stuck in their relationship because they are relying on perspective(s) that disable them. By helping individuals see there are new empowering perspectives, their relationship no matter how bad, can quickly change.

For every marriage with problems there is a window of opportunity and a tipping point, so don’t wait for the tipping point, take action today even if like this man you come on your own.

If this story has struck a chord with you and you want results please feel free to get in touch with us today.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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