If you have been following past posts you will know how hard it is to deal with the many hidden challenges in a couples relationship. Today I’m going to uncover another hidden problem that’s so important to learn.
Todays post is designed to help you focus your thought’s into your habitual patterns. Many couples have created destructive patterns without thought. These patterns are hurting the relationship, but the couple keep repeating them. So if you find yourself in circular patterns that keep making one or both of you unhappy then the pattern must change.
IMPORTANT: The way a pattern must change is to dissolve resentment and build more connection and more love and passion. This is where people are going wrong. I see couples do make changes, but their changes cause more problems.
So the new design of the pattern and the goal we want to achieve is critical to put the couple on the right track.
Lets start here: All couples have created patterns of behaviour without knowing.
This has two effects, either their learnt patterns have lead them to a loving, connected passionate life together, or their learnt patterns have lead them to feel disconnected from each other.
What’s great about patterns of behaviour is it can be quickly changed once it’s understood. So the person with a pattern that is damaging their relationship is NOT hardwired to repeat their pattern, even though they do it without thought.
Our patterns are created through our life experiences and for the most they happen without conscious thought. This gives the illusion that the pattern is part of their identity.
It maybe that the pattern they act out was created many years before to cope with a specific situation and is no longer appropriate for the challenges the person faces today. Or the person has learnt their pattern after it was handed to them and then adopted by a key influencer in their life (e.g. mother or father).
The goal for any couple is to create the habits that lead them to a win-win situation for the individuals in the relationship. In other words for a relationship to be successful both people must look after each others emotional states.
A win-lose scenario in the relationship simply means that if one person perceptually wins they actually both lose because the relationship suffers through the other persons resentment.
Example of a pattern change: What if the couple were able to have a passionate exchange (some call this an argument) and through it the couple learn more about each other and so the exchange creates more understanding and ends with them both feeling safer and loved.
Wouldn’t that be a better pattern than the one most couples end with after an argument? Most couples in conflict are heading for resentments, disconnection, or worse emotional detachment.
- What if the pattern was understanding what your partner really needed?
- What if the pattern change was to understand your real role in your relationship?
- What if the pattern change was to learn how to become more attractive to your partner through your words and action?
- What if the pattern change was to learn how to build a future so exciting that no one would ever want to leave it.
Sadly the pattern most people adopt is self-protection without a clear understanding of what’s really going on and this leads them to disconnect if the need to protect is repeated.
Far too many people are breaking up families not because the relationship is wrong it’s because they simply don’t know how to create one that works.
So imagine learning how to create win-win patterns of behaviour no matter what the relationship experiences in the future.
Imagine having the skills to create patterns that build strong foundations where love can grow safely. Imagine having the ability to see a negative pattern in your partner and help them change it to be the way they want it to be.
We all have this ability, the challenge is most people are not aware it’s even possible.
One of the keys to taking a couple from destruction and near divorce is interrupting patterns that are leading them to disaster and embedding new patterns that still fulfils their individual needs yet helps them to meet those needs in constructive ways.
The key to saving a relationship from divorce is training the couple on how to get the best from their marriage by understanding and replacing destructive patterns with ones that grow and reconnect the couple.
This training is available today and is bespoke for each couple. It has to be bespoke because every couple will have different needs and will require a different plan.
So if you want to be trained on how to save and protect your marriage please click the link below.