Communication is one of the most critical keys if you want a successful relationship for life. It opens the pathway for couples to feel they are a team working together towards a future that makes sense to both of them.
So what are the pitfalls that so many couples fall into?
The challenge I see with all couples in crisis is they struggle to really hear what the other person is really saying.
The result is they hear what they think their partner is saying rather than the real intention behind the persons words.
Both men and women suffer with this problem and it has the power to shut relationships down.
At this point I do think it’s important to say this problem is totally normal, because men and women are so very different from each other and getting through to each other is like learning a totally different language.
Just because you both speak english it doesn’t mean you will be understood, you may as well be speaking Russian and Japanese to each other.
Many couples know this deep down, but they assume their partner can understand them and are simply choosing not to.
This is the distinction that makes the difference, is the lack of understanding on purpose? Or is the lack of understanding due to dramatic communication differences between the sexes.
If you were a fly on the wall in my sessions then you would see that the latter is true, over and over again.
If you knew the words you are saying are not being heard the way you meant them, then clearly something has to change.
So many people in my sessions are totally convinced they are being clear. I can promise you that if you can see you are not getting through to your partner then please know that what you say might be clear to you, but your words are very likely to be confusing to your partner.
You see a mans logic is very different to a womans logic. To both people what they say is logical to them, but sadly it can be totally illogical to each other and unfortunately this creates circular problems.
So the starting point is to not assume your partner is trying to hurt you, because this will put both of you into a frustrating and defensive position.
The next step is to listen to what your partner is saying and rather than always living in reaction to their words. Spend some time understanding the meaning behind what they are saying.
If they way they have communicated has not worked for you, but you now understand their true intention. Then you can help them with how you would like to receive that information in the future so it really works for both of you.
Communication is very powerful and words, or lack of them can really hurt the person you love. So opening up to learn communication skills so the couple learn how to get through to each other is so important.
You see if men understood that most females communicate in 3 very distinct ways and each one requires a totally different approach from the man for him to be successful. To complicate this further she could be in anyone of these 3 modes through out a day and not understanding what she is really after in each mode can cause problems.
If a woman could understand how to communicate in a way that helps her husband to connect to what’s important to him then she will see how easy it is to be understood by him. 99% of husband want to do well and please his partner, but can end up giving up when it all seems so impossible.
The problem so many couples face is they are both suffering they don’t feel understood and this results in disconnection and eventually someone wanting to leave.
Communication is complicated, however it can be made so simple.
Communication of course is critical skill and is fundamental part of my 1-on-1 master classes for couples who are wanting to learn how to reignite their relationship for life. If you are now interested to learn more click here.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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