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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“My biggest life lesson”

Last year one gentleman asked me a great question. He said “…you deal with couples and individuals with all manner of problems and personal fears, what do you fear the most?

This was a great question, and the answer was simple.

“I would fear not being able to be my true self in the life that I have chosen.” Many people are in pain because they are loving kind caring people, but for some reason, they can’t be this in their marriage, and so they suffer.

This is one of the core problems so many couples have in their life, but it expands far further than just their relationships.

So many people are afraid to embrace their true potential, and this can affect everything.

Imagine the man who with all his heart wanted to be on stage, but through fear and self-doubt, he went the safe route got a job for life as an accountant only to be made redundant putting his family at tremendous risk through this need for ironically a safe job.

His thinking actually took him to a place of uncertainty until he embraced his gift.

This is the biggest lesson I learnt – our thinking is the primary reason we have the life we currently have good or bad.

This was a hard lesson to learn, and many will reject this thought, but…

…when I look back at times in my life that were hard or difficult I too wanted to blame others, blame the situation, or suggest to myself others were luckier than me, brighter than me etc.

I couldn’t see back then that I was putting the power of what was happening to me in the hands of others and that was the thinking that actually made me out of control of my life.

I didn’t realise that the moment I took responsibility for being in the life I didn’t want that was the moment I empowered myself to take control and be in control of thinking differently and claiming the life I really wanted.

The moment I learnt the lesson that it was my thinking that’s at the core of what would make me successful or not, that’s the moment I was starting to learn the lessons that life was giving me every day.

Before I couldn’t see the lessons and yet there were so many starting me in the face.

Taking responsibility put me 100% back in the driving seat so I could start again and learn the thinking that would allow me to truly be myself and add value to everything that was important to me.

If I were to talk to my younger self I would tell him that you don’t know it all and success only comes from truly becoming valuable to the areas of life that are important to you.

One billionaire wrote – if you want a billion dollars then solve a billion-pound problem. This level of thinking needs self-belief and a clear vision.

In my world of relationships, the new beliefs and vision are just as critical for helping couples out of problems. The new thinking you’re going to need is how to be so valuable that your partner feels amazing when they are with you.

Very few couples know how to do this because they don’t have a vision/map of how to do this or the belief it’s even possible. They think they have tried everything, sadly all they’ve tried is what they know which is never going to be enough.

Very bright people are in my sessions in terrible places are 100% blaming the state of their relationship on their partner, so I have to help them to stop this practice and learn to assess what’s happened from new perspectives.

It’s their old limited thinking that was keeping them stuck.

The moment I can help them take responsibility not only do they take back the control they can create the relationship they always wanted.

  • Your mission is to understand how you can be valuable to your partners in their mind. If when you speak to your partner, they are responding negatively to you then learning how to be valuable to them will be critical.
  • Your mission is to become curious about your partner and what they really need in the way they need it. Most people are not aware that their partner needs are very different from theirs, so they fall into the trap of giving to their partner what they need. Frustrating for both people.
  • Your job is to become aware that your partner thinks nothing like you so what are the differences? Men and women might as well be a different species their thinking is so different.
  • Your mission is to understand that it takes two people to get into a crisis and have a conflict so you’ll both be part of the problem.

All this takes is curiosity and a new way of thinking to create behaviours that actually work.

Too many people are fighting for the right to be out of control of their lives by blaming others for the state of their relationship or life.

So remember if your life is not the way you want it, please know that your current thinking is at the root of it because your thinking is the one creating your decisions which are creating your life situation.

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Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
  • Impossible Marriage Problems?
  • “What if I’m not enough?”
  • “Another 5 Years Like This? No Way!”
  • In Crisis, their Minds Destroyed Their Lives
  • “Couples are failing at the basics…”
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Over 1300 Relationship Articles


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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

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Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
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