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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“My marriage has changed me and I’m suffering”!

If you want to build a successful marriage you’ll need the courage to be who you really are with your husband or wife.

Many people are fearful of being their true self in fear they won’t be loved.

Many are living so reactively they are out of control of their emotions so they have no idea how to be themselves.

NOT being your true self is a fundamental issue and one of the root problems that lead many couples to wrongly divorce. 

It’s true they are unhappy but their attachment for unhappiness is to their marriage and not themselves.

The reason being disconnected from your true self is such an issue is because your happiness is conditional on you becoming what you say is important to you.

So when a person says that kindness is important to them and yet they turn that off with their spouse. They are unaware that they are now their own problem.

This understanding is different to how many think and act, they don’t see the pain they cause themselves as they switch off their own gifts.

A persons happiness comes from inside them not outside them.

If a person feels their happiness sits outside of them they are not in control of their own emotions.

Some are looking for others to validate them, some are trying to control their outside world in some way none of this creates happiness.

Many people have to get busy to avoid being connected to themselves this is a sign something is wrong internally.

For example: If you are bored when you are alone you are obviously in bad company…

Become what’s important

So if a naturally loving and fun person stops being loving and fun this will make them personally unhappy and eventually feel exhausted.

I know that those ready to learn will be eager to see their truth and stop years of suffering through answers that will free them.

Is enough is enough? 

For any marriage to work, you both need the courage to be open, vulnerable and connected to what you believe in and say is important.

You both must embrace your truth about what’s important to you.

I see so many people who tell me they have values such as love, kindness, wisdom, integrity.

Yet when their life is explored we find that they don’t practice, or become what they say is important from within themselves in their marriage.

In fact many are much nicer to a complete stranger than they are to their spouse.

What they do is they turn these values on and off in reaction to what is presented, remembered, or resented.

Some turn off their own values to protect the marriage, some turn off their values to protect themselves.

They act like they themselves don’t matter.

In essence, these people are out of control of the very things they say are important.

Plus disconnecting from values that are important will also help that person to feel daily pain and suffer.

This is why so much pain is connected to a person not feeling able to love their partner the way they want to.

Many expect these important values from others, but are not committed enough to being those values themselves.

This means what’s critically important is not just your connection with your partner, but the courage to stay connected to true yourself even when your relationship seems confusing, impossible, or unfair.

That is the biggest conundrum

How do I stay connected to what’s important in me when I feel you are behaving badly.

This conundrum is simply down to an inability to understand the situation correctly.

When that happens people are reactively triggered to disconnect from themselves.

Now their interpretation and their own disconnect are giving them two doses of pain so they enter their own survival mode.

Survival mode is a place where a person’s values are discarded in favor of a need to fight or run or go to revenge.

Now they are triggered and disconnected

They focus on what’s wrong (because it’s easy) and they practice this negative focus.

They can even justify the reason to NOT be what they say is important.

This practice over time becomes so painful for them and they use that pain to leave their relationship, meet their needs elsewhere, or have an affair.

Relationships are not built through happy times. Relationships are built when things go wrong and both people become more of who they really are.

If our disagreement can end in more connection and more love what’s the chances of two people feeling their partner has their back no matter what?

Most people are not a team because neither person has the knowledge to embrace the integrity needed to be what they say is important when it matters most.

That is why too many relationships don’t work.

Both people end up disconnected from their own values in reaction to their partners behaviours.

So loving kind people turn into blamers and judgers.

If someone is judging their partner it means they simply don’t have enough understanding of the situation to remain connected to themselves.

You see judging isn’t loving.

The skill and courage of great relationships come from the ability to see past the surface behaviors and look for the root cause of their relationship problems.

The skill that couples lack the most is understanding and integrity.

Couples can only do this if they remain connected to their own values and this is most peoples problem they don’t do that.

The couples that really succeed are the ones that are curious to learn how to add value to what’s important.

Whilst remaining connected to what they say is important.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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