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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“My marriage is over!”

I was sat with a lady a few months ago she was telling me that her marriage had run its course. She said it’s sad but these things happen.

When I asked her how she knew this was true she told me her feelings had changed and she was no longer attracted to her husband.

So I asked her “what created your feelings?”

She looked blankly at me.

It’s an important question. If someone is going to break up a 12-year marriage and upset children with a life-changing decision for everyone isn’t it important to understand?

Exactly how were her feelings created?

Her feelings were 100% real, but how were they created?

Did her feelings magically happen or was it a process?

She had never considered the origin of her feelings. She had been brought up to accept her feelings as fact, they were real so she should trust them.

“This is just me” was her message to me.

In her session with me, I helped her create many different emotional states. I guided her through each one to help her learn how her feelings were created.

Each feeling was different and each one had varying degrees of physical response attached to the feeling.

She was shocked. “I had no idea” she responded.

I shared with her that she had created a protective pattern based on a decision she made in her childhood.

At 15 years old she was abused by a family member so she made a decision to only rely on herself.

That decision created an ability to not trust others and it was still alive in her today but she never knew.

I helped her understand that her feelings or lack of them towards her husband were created by herself through this outdated pattern.

The pattern was created to protect her at 15. It was not designed to make her happy so it could never work as an effective life pattern.

I made it clear understanding this doesn’t mean your marriage is right for you that needs to be discovered because that too is a process but…

…with this pattern your marriage was a ticking time bomb.

What I do know about your marriage is you spent your whole marriage protecting yourself from a man that loved you. In pain of not feeling your love or openness, he has given up who he really is just to be with you.

The result is you have both ended up lost and suffering protecting yourselves from each other. In these conditions you will both feel exhausted, with low moods and LOVE will always (temporarily) die under these conditions.

“I’m so tired,” she said

“You’re tired because it’s exhausting to keep this pattern alive, you just didn’t know you were doing it.”

What this lady learnt is that the feelings she was experiencing were created by her. It was rooted in her past decision to trust no one.

This disabled her to the point she could no longer tolerate the feelings she created when she was with her husband.

By helping her understand she was the creator of her emotional experience this put her back in control and empowered her to choose the experiences she desired.

This couple had created a situation that on the surface looked like they should part.

As I explored her feelings we learnt she never felt safe to be vulnerable to her husband so she kept an old pattern alive to protect her.

My concern for her was she could find a new relationship and run this pattern, again and again, leading her to a life of suffering.

I once met a lady who had broken up her family 15 years before and run her outdated pattern to protect herself in three subsequent relationships.

Each one ended and she came to me confused and now giving up on love.

She was switched on enough to know that she was the problem she just didn’t know why.

My message today is you can take control of your emotional experiences once you know how.

Far too many people are out of control of their experiences and use the outside world as a vehicle to create their feelings.

The only true way to bring a person to true peace is to help them understand and control their inner-world so they can truly be themselves and choose their life direction from this point.

Gaining this knowledge is a significant mindset shift all my clients must learn if they are going to safely navigate their lives and lead their children to safety.

 

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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