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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“My marriage is over!”

I was sat with a lady a few months ago she was telling me that her marriage had run its course. She said it’s sad but these things happen.

When I asked her how she knew this was true she told me her feelings had changed and she was no longer attracted to her husband.

So I asked her “what created your feelings?”

She looked blankly at me.

It’s an important question. If someone is going to break up a 12-year marriage and upset children with a life-changing decision for everyone isn’t it important to understand?

Exactly how were her feelings created?

Her feelings were 100% real, but how were they created?

Did her feelings magically happen or was it a process?

She had never considered the origin of her feelings. She had been brought up to accept her feelings as fact, they were real so she should trust them.

“This is just me” was her message to me.

In her session with me, I helped her create many different emotional states. I guided her through each one to help her learn how her feelings were created.

Each feeling was different and each one had varying degrees of physical response attached to the feeling.

She was shocked. “I had no idea” she responded.

I shared with her that she had created a protective pattern based on a decision she made in her childhood.

At 15 years old she was abused by a family member so she made a decision to only rely on herself.

That decision created an ability to not trust others and it was still alive in her today but she never knew.

I helped her understand that her feelings or lack of them towards her husband were created by herself through this outdated pattern.

The pattern was created to protect her at 15. It was not designed to make her happy so it could never work as an effective life pattern.

I made it clear understanding this doesn’t mean your marriage is right for you that needs to be discovered because that too is a process but…

…with this pattern your marriage was a ticking time bomb.

What I do know about your marriage is you spent your whole marriage protecting yourself from a man that loved you. In pain of not feeling your love or openness, he has given up who he really is just to be with you.

The result is you have both ended up lost and suffering protecting yourselves from each other. In these conditions you will both feel exhausted, with low moods and LOVE will always (temporarily) die under these conditions.

“I’m so tired,” she said

“You’re tired because it’s exhausting to keep this pattern alive, you just didn’t know you were doing it.”

What this lady learnt is that the feelings she was experiencing were created by her. It was rooted in her past decision to trust no one.

This disabled her to the point she could no longer tolerate the feelings she created when she was with her husband.

By helping her understand she was the creator of her emotional experience this put her back in control and empowered her to choose the experiences she desired.

This couple had created a situation that on the surface looked like they should part.

As I explored her feelings we learnt she never felt safe to be vulnerable to her husband so she kept an old pattern alive to protect her.

My concern for her was she could find a new relationship and run this pattern, again and again, leading her to a life of suffering.

I once met a lady who had broken up her family 15 years before and run her outdated pattern to protect herself in three subsequent relationships.

Each one ended and she came to me confused and now giving up on love.

She was switched on enough to know that she was the problem she just didn’t know why.

My message today is you can take control of your emotional experiences once you know how.

Far too many people are out of control of their experiences and use the outside world as a vehicle to create their feelings.

The only true way to bring a person to true peace is to help them understand and control their inner-world so they can truly be themselves and choose their life direction from this point.

Gaining this knowledge is a significant mindset shift all my clients must learn if they are going to safely navigate their lives and lead their children to safety.

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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