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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Natures cruellest trick is creating consistent marital stress

Virtually every person that comes into my programs is looking for me to change their partners’ behaviours. I have rarely heard the message “my marriage is in crisis, can you help me become a better husband or wife?”

This is a shame because becoming an effective partner really is the only thing we are 100% in control of. Trying to control someone or manipulate them so they behave the way we want never works out well but sadly couples keep trying this process even though the result is bad for them both.

So the trend of message I receive is “…we’ll have a better relationship if you can fix my partner”.

He’s a bully or she’s too controlling, he’s emotionally absent or she’s got anger problems.

The ping-pong of criticism doesn’t help the couple become effective team members of their relationship.

The typical model that is leading couples to divorce is the moment they start protecting themselves from each other. As this process starts resentments will stack over time.

This need to protect themselves is what’s leading them to the conclusions their partner is the one that needs to change.

This makes total sense but it isn’t what’s going to solve their problems.

If two people end up protecting themselves from each other who is protecting the relationship? The answer is no one and this is why so many marriages are dying.

The challenge that couples are not seeing is there are a few levels of complexity that will require their focus. Sadly the couples are usually fixated on their symptoms (problems) unaware of how to connect to what is actually causing their symptoms in the first place.

The most valuable questions are ones that enable individuals to become effective life long partners.

Who wants to leave someone that makes us feel amazing about ourselves? This is the concept that makes the first date turn into a second.

The challenge is couples are suffering because they lose this critical ability to consistently help each other feel great.

The reality is they never really had a conscious ability – they just turned up had fun with each other and so they felt good.

This is in my mind is one of natures cruellest tricks. Give the couple the chemical illusion they will feel that way for life and then slowly remove it.

What the couple is left with is not knowing they need critical skills and new understandings to be able to be an effective team member that can help their partner consistently feel great about themselves.

My clients are learning these critical skills:-

Your partner is nothing like you, and so your responsibility is to determine how they are different so when you show up in the marriage, you do so in a way that brings out the best in them.

My clients learn that their relationship with themselves is critical. Far too many people are behaving in ways that misrepresent who they really are because they are affected either by a history of poor role models or outdated patterns of behaviour.

Once they have reconnected to themselves and they have understood how their partner behaves and thinks differently, they are then in a position to learn how to be a team and grow an exciting and purposeful life together.

The skill of being in a relationship isn’t the ability to be your partners’ judge.

The skill that makes the difference is the one that helps your partner reconnect to a version of themselves that they love being in.

I have never met a couple who naturally know how to do this, so it really is a new level of thinking and powerful skills that are required to achieve this connection for life.

Thankfully it is learnable for those who are passionate about their relationship.

To me, this is the most important and valuable life skill you can ever acquire. 

 

 

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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