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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Never make this mistake”!

Never make the mistake of attaching your unhappiness to the wrong thing especially in a marriage.

Look at what happens when a person is triggered into their own unhappiness.

So when a person is negatively triggered by their partner they are likely to blame their partner for the feelings they then experience.

The “you made me feel…” is a common sentence.

They are totally unaware their partner is physically not able to make them feel that way.

This is because each person is the creator of all their own life experiences through their senses and so no one can make anyone feel anything.

Being triggered is the extent of another persons ability to influence them.

The person experiencing the emotional pain and discomfort will have a filter of expectations, needs, beliefs, values that all form a pattern of experience.

If those patterns are incorrectly set up, the person will be triggered and then experience the uncomfortable disconnects within their own emotional system, resulting in their own unhappiness.

This is where they wrongly blame others for how they feel.

The fix

What would happen it the filtering process was changed and the person repatterned?

What if when a person is triggered, set out before them was a series of choices of how they could respond to that trigger.

Now the person wouldn’t feel so out of control of their emotions and they certainly wouldn’t blame other people for their feelings as they themselves chose what to do and experience next.

“Am I making myself unhappy”?

What I find for so many people is their distorted thinking is making them unhappy and they have attached that thinking to their partner and their relationship.

Anyone doing this could end up removing the wrong problem from their life and then end up more unhappy as the problems continue into future relationships.

As your unhappiness comes from your own feelings and you are the creator of those feelings what should you change first?

Your outside world or your internal world?

Yes of course change your internal world first.

You may need to change the outside world, but I would not do that first unless you are in certain danger.

By changing your internal world first, it means you can accurately assess the relationship you are in minus the distortions.

This is because whilst a person is in a fear state their emotional filters are driven very differently and can lead a person into decisions they could later regret.

Remember, healthy relationships are about magnifying the emotions we want.

Emotions such as love, passion, fun, adventure humour to name a few. The point of being with another person is that happiness is magnified.

That means each person must bring all that energy to the table.

In an ideal world, we should create an amazing life and vision then find someone that shares that vision and wants to add value to that life with you.

Sadly many people are using the relationship to heal or make them whole in some way and now there is pressure on the relationship.

That process of bringing a needy energy means the person will NOT be focused on contribution and adding value.

They will only be focused only on taking what they can get from the relationship and that only drains it of energy.

If the triggered person is out of control of their own emotional states through poor thinking and sabotaging belief systems any relationship is going to suffer.

Plus that disconnected emotional system will only help that person to be driven by their own fears.

It’s not much of a life when fears are in the driving seat.

Far too many many people are unaware their fears are driving them because they have done it for so long that pattern becomes their home.

Once the fear system is removed the person can see two things.

  1. How to choose the emotions they want
  2. How to add significant value to their partner

What this creates is an understanding about how you feel about you when you do this and if you partner is able to be triggered positively.

Ideally, we are looking to end up with natural reciprocity on both sides and a team with a vision.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Knowledge isn’t power – but it’s a start – Mini Post
  • Stop bickering and arguing – Mini Post
  • “Why your marriage may not be broken”
  • “Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!” – Mini Post
  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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