Welcome to step two in my how to save a marriage from divorce series.
Step two: Save Your Marriage From Divorce
The second step is to help the individuals grasp how by changing focus from loving their partner to protecting themselves from their partner they actually changed the direction of their marriage without knowing.
You see if our focus is consistent in any direction, or belief, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, we will create feelings that help us feel our focus is true.
So if you focus on pulling love away for long enough you will lose feelings of love. If you feel your partner is not romantic then you will stop being romantic and so you won’t feel it. If you think you partner doesn’t care you will stop caring about them.
Teaching couples about the power of focus from the position of their own true identity is very powerful.
You see asking your partner to change so you feel better won’t sit very well if you know you are not living up to your own standards. This is because you are asking them to do something that you won’t.
Of course it is possible for individuals to feel they are right in the way they are behaving in the relationship. The acid test if this is true or not is if you are focused on you and what you are not getting then it means you have expectations and rules that control they way you contribute to your relationship.
Successful relationships are not transactional, they are giving and loving without question.
Moving couples to a contribution model and away from their fears of not getting helps them to discover that they actually get far more if they learn the power of putting their partner first.
The question for many is how? How do I put my partner first so they will appreciate what I do for them? We will cover this in the next step.