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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Reinvestment Strategy – Repatterning Couples For Success

I work with some of the toughest cases of marital crisis globally. These are the cases most people have almost given up on – even the professional advice can be they should walk away.

I conduct this work with individuals and couples to help them find ways to rebuild their marriage and learn the real causes of their disconnect.

What I commonly see is the thinking of the couple and each person has not been challenged enough to help them understand their situation, why they are in trouble and what they can do about it.

Do we blindly accept a persons thinking, or do we look at the process of what created their thinking? You see many people are unaware their unpleasant feelings have a foundation in ineffective thinking.

This can come from poor parenting models, or disconnection from their values construct. They could have ineffective relationship-building models or an unhealthy expectations of others.

Some are running self-protection models and others need to control others so they are emotionally safe.

So from the person who is using a marriage to heal a childhood trauma, to the person who is using depression to protect themselves from their real relationship problem.

Most people come to me with the same message, “you are the last chance saloon for us”.

It’s not uncommon for couples to have done the rounds with all kinds of help and are still no further forward.

To be clear this doesn’t mean that I believe everyone can or should be fixed.

What I do believe is if you have committed in good faith to someone and you can’t make it work, it’s a good idea to see what the best of you both can really achieve.

The worse of two people is usually where the couple ends up, and it’s not their fault because the knowledge they both must-have is not common knowledge.

When I say “best” what I mean is two people with the knowledge of how to get the best out of themselves and each other, after all, you cannot be any more than the best of yourself.

So the best means two people changing their thinking around all the areas of influence that will give the couple the best chance to connect and grow together.

Imagine being in a position to positively trigger and influence your partner no matter what problem comes knocking.

Imagine knowing that life is full of problems, but none of them are a worry because you now know what to do when they strike, because they will.

So let’s accept that all couples have problems, the skill most couples are missing is how to deal with those problems in a constructive win-win way.

Most couples are in a destructive win-lose model, if your team member loses then the team loses.

Learning the win-win model

People become uninvested over time because the thinking they are using was always going to lead both people into destructive bouts of self-protection.

The couple will need strategies that can help them develop firstly the knowledge of the problem they face and what each person has to bring to the table to overcome their challenge.

It usually takes 2-3 months to develop the couples knowledge and then 3-6 months of them applying that knowledge to gain the truth of their connection.

The key is the ability to see their problems in solvable terms.

This is a repatterning exercise to help them to stop the destructive behaviour and replace it with constructive actions that honour each person’s natural differences.

Their process must NOT change who these people really are. The goal is to help each person to become better and more effective partners.

To help people out of crisis the most critical part of their process is in the strategy that helps an uninvested person(s) find a way to safely reinvest so both people win.

So if you are at a dead-end, there is a valuable process of understanding the problem in a way that empowers each person to bring something valuable to the table.

At the end of the day, once an individual has the knowledge of how to translate the situations effectively and now knows what they must bring that is of value to their partner.

The next step is a choice, good people, in the end, want the best for their partner once they can see how it works.

People who are not good to be with will always put themselves first, but this can get lost in the distortion of two people self-protecting.

These are critical life skills for anyone to learn and pass on you can do this as a couple or as an individual, remember the process is about how can I get the best from myself whilst bringing out the best in my partner.

Discovering these skills is probably the most valuable training a person can invest their time in because at the end of the day connection and love is what most people want more than anything.

Win-win!

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive - July 1, 2025
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You - June 30, 2025
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion - June 28, 2025

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Recent Posts

  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?
  • How to Help Spouse Heal After Affair?
  • How to Rebuild Emotional Safety (Without Needing Them to Go First)
  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other

Over 1300 Relationship Articles



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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF
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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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