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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Reinvestment Strategy – Repatterning Couples For Success

I work with some of the toughest cases of marital crisis globally. These are the cases most people have almost given up on – even the professional advice can be they should walk away.

I conduct this work with individuals and couples to help them find ways to rebuild their marriage and learn the real causes of their disconnect.

What I commonly see is the thinking of the couple and each person has not been challenged enough to help them understand their situation, why they are in trouble and what they can do about it.

Do we blindly accept a persons thinking, or do we look at the process of what created their thinking? You see many people are unaware their unpleasant feelings have a foundation in ineffective thinking.

This can come from poor parenting models, or disconnection from their values construct. They could have ineffective relationship-building models or an unhealthy expectations of others.

Some are running self-protection models and others need to control others so they are emotionally safe.

So from the person who is using a marriage to heal a childhood trauma, to the person who is using depression to protect themselves from their real relationship problem.

Most people come to me with the same message, “you are the last chance saloon for us”.

It’s not uncommon for couples to have done the rounds with all kinds of help and are still no further forward.

To be clear this doesn’t mean that I believe everyone can or should be fixed.

What I do believe is if you have committed in good faith to someone and you can’t make it work, it’s a good idea to see what the best of you both can really achieve.

The worse of two people is usually where the couple ends up, and it’s not their fault because the knowledge they both must-have is not common knowledge.

When I say “best” what I mean is two people with the knowledge of how to get the best out of themselves and each other, after all, you cannot be any more than the best of yourself.

So the best means two people changing their thinking around all the areas of influence that will give the couple the best chance to connect and grow together.

Imagine being in a position to positively trigger and influence your partner no matter what problem comes knocking.

Imagine knowing that life is full of problems, but none of them are a worry because you now know what to do when they strike, because they will.

So let’s accept that all couples have problems, the skill most couples are missing is how to deal with those problems in a constructive win-win way.

Most couples are in a destructive win-lose model, if your team member loses then the team loses.

Learning the win-win model

People become uninvested over time because the thinking they are using was always going to lead both people into destructive bouts of self-protection.

The couple will need strategies that can help them develop firstly the knowledge of the problem they face and what each person has to bring to the table to overcome their challenge.

It usually takes 2-3 months to develop the couples knowledge and then 3-6 months of them applying that knowledge to gain the truth of their connection.

The key is the ability to see their problems in solvable terms.

This is a repatterning exercise to help them to stop the destructive behaviour and replace it with constructive actions that honour each person’s natural differences.

Their process must NOT change who these people really are. The goal is to help each person to become better and more effective partners.

To help people out of crisis the most critical part of their process is in the strategy that helps an uninvested person(s) find a way to safely reinvest so both people win.

So if you are at a dead-end, there is a valuable process of understanding the problem in a way that empowers each person to bring something valuable to the table.

At the end of the day, once an individual has the knowledge of how to translate the situations effectively and now knows what they must bring that is of value to their partner.

The next step is a choice, good people, in the end, want the best for their partner once they can see how it works.

People who are not good to be with will always put themselves first, but this can get lost in the distortion of two people self-protecting.

These are critical life skills for anyone to learn and pass on you can do this as a couple or as an individual, remember the process is about how can I get the best from myself whilst bringing out the best in my partner.

Discovering these skills is probably the most valuable training a person can invest their time in because at the end of the day connection and love is what most people want more than anything.

Win-win!

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"In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress."

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Stop bickering and arguing – Mini Post
  • “Why your marriage may not be broken”
  • “Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!” – Mini Post
  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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