Understanding relationship expectations is a really interesting topic that changed my whole approach to my own relationship.
Many people go into their relationship with so many hopes, dreams and expectations of a wonderful life together.
In essence there’s nothing wrong with this but…
The problem is relationship expectations can be at the root of many couples’ problems.
Relationship expectations can help couples disconnect if they set them up incorrectly, as so many do.
We are not saying expectations are wrong we are saying if it’s set up wrong it can hurt a couple’s connection.
Firstly having expectations of a partner in a relationship means that their partner has to perform in the way they want so they are happy.
They want things done their way.
Not many people are happy to be controlled this way and so this can lead to conflict and resentments.
This also means the person with the expectation is out of control of their own happiness as they are waiting for the performer to perform before they are happy.
In many cases the person with the expectations can be constantly disappointed and this will cause them to stack resentments.
Secondly, many people have greater expectations of their partner than they do of themselves and this is where so many problems sit.
Reasonable expectations in a relationship?
The people who want a lot from their relationship must be prepared to be of significant value too.
To achieve that value each person needs to lower their expectations of their partner and increase the expectations of themselves.
This puts them in the driving seat of the relationship and their own happiness.
You see what changed for me was the question I asked at the start of my own relationship.
It wasn’t “what will I get if I marry her”?
It was “who do I have to become to be of value to her and the relationship”!
This shifted my expectation and focus to me which is the only thing I had control over.
So I looked to myself for what I wanted from the relationship.
People with high expectations of others in their marriage usually discover what they actually get from their partner is not very much.
The people that get naturally back the most are the ones who are adding the most value.
By taking back the power individuals are empowered to discover what their relationship is really capable of creating.
So getting this right is the first foundational step any person can take in rebuilding their connection.
Imagine the flow of positive energy if both people end up doing this.