Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Advisor | Harley Street London

I hope you enjoyed and could relate to Master Skill ONE. Today we are going to look at what happens when the relationship becomes all about “ME”.

One of the most prominent behaviours I see in couples is their desire to punish their partners when they don’t feel that they are getting what they need. They fear what a future in this relationship will be like and make it all about them. This fear in them creates a person who decides to take from the relationship through fear of not getting what they want.

Their taking also feels bad because they want to just receive what they need and the asking also feels bad. In this position they will start to punish their partner to wake them up, or teach them a lesson.

  • The punishment comes in many ways, but 9 times out of 10 it involves pulling their love away.

We do this because society teaches us that if someone does something wrong they should be punished.

My question to you is how much love do you want to give your partner after they have punished you?

I expect the answer is none. So this as you can see creates the reverse of what you really want. You punish them because they are not giving you what you need. What you need is to feel loved, and so when you punish them they pull their love away too.

You can see how fast couples can get into trouble if these behaviours are at play on a regular basis.

The lesson today is to become a giver of everything your partner needs including love.

This is now where couples struggle because they have been conditioned/hypnotised by life that says “…how can I give love when my partner has done something wrong?”

The answer is you are really not qualified to judge them and so you could be making an assumption of their intention.

So you could be holding back your love for all the wrong reasons. Please also remember that men and women experience the world in very different ways so it’s very easy get your partners true intention wrong.

Starting today make the assumption their intention is always good and give them your love, after all they might be in emotional pain in the moment and their behaviour could be a cry for you to help them.

When we remove the fears and think about how much we love our partners there is actually nothing we wouldn’t do for them.

  • Plus when you give love how does it really make you feel? Connecting with yourself in this way also creates more internal harmony for you and this state brings out love in them for you.

You’ll find that giving love is the answer and when you do it always, you find you’ll never have to take or make the relationship about you again.

  • Look forward to speaking to you in part three please post any questions or comments below.
Stephen Hedger
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