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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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She nearly lost a perfectly good marriage

The reason for sharing this post today is because many individuals leave their marriage and regret it later when it’s far too late to get it back. The impact on themselves and their family is destructive.

They think what they feel at the point they decide to leave the marriage is what they will still feel later and this is their illusion.

When a person really takes the time to understand why their thinking is leading them to want to leave the relationship, they are very likely to discover far more than they were consciously aware of.

This couple were married for over 15 years and everyone thought they were a great couple. He knew the relationship wasn’t great, but was not aware of how bad it had become for her. She loved him as a friend, but she longed for that youthful spark again, the fun, the passion, the hope of new adventures and surprises. She was a good mum, but she wanted to feel like a woman again.

She didn’t want an affair, but she knew she wanted more from her life of love.

She had assumed the marriage was dead for both of them and so she took steps to distance herself emotionally from her husband. It took about two years, but she had detached enough to feel comfortable to share her true feelings about their marriage with him.

She told him the marriage was over and she could now see a future without him, inside she was excited at the prospect of a new life and waited for him to laugh and agree, but go their separate ways still good friends.

As you can see she expected him to be relieved at this news, but to her surprise he was shocked, upset, confused and angry.

What she thought would bring him relief, freedom and a possible new beginning actually brought him severe pain.

She didn’t want this after all she still loved him as a friend and after many conversations and still very confused they decided to seek help. She wanted a second opinion, if she was wrong about her husbands reaction, could her decision to leave the marriage be wrong too?

When they arrived in my session we looked at the history of the relationship, those connected to the couple, and key events.

As we explored the relationship and how the couple had reacted to each other in it we all agreed that the state of the relationship was probably where it should be based on how they had both shown up.

Like most couples, work and children had taken over and the relationship had severely suffered.

So we started to work on the critical parts of rebuilding their connection and the relationship was improving without question, however even though they both agreed they were in a much better place I could tell she was still holding back, so I called a session with her on her own.

We knew she had made a decision years before to leave the relationship and why, but it wasn’t clear to why she was still struggling to fully engage.

As we talked we discovered that the decision to leave the marriage was still alive in her, but she didn’t want to say in a session with her husband present. She agreed that she loved her husband, but she still didn’t feel “in love with him”.

My question was why with all the knowledge we had gathered so far and the with the clear knowledge of how easy it was to improve the relationship why did she think she was still so stuck?

What was keeping the decision to leave the marriage alive in her? She told me that she knew that the relationship could improve, but could it ever be as good as she wanted it to be?

These thoughts had lead her to the belief that no matter what we did in the session it would never work to her satisfaction? In her defence she had years of historic proof to back up those feelings. Of course with this belief, her investment in the relationship and sessions would be half-hearted as she protected herself from fully letting go and so it left her out of control of the end result.

Her belief was not only a powerful block, but it also created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I said to her “IF” she changed her belief from “it was impossible to solve” to a more positive message how would that affect her decision to leave the relationship.

She replied “The decision to leave would then become far less powerful”

Now we knew the real power was in that belief.

By helping her understand that she had the power to safely influence the marriage to be the way she wanted it to be she gained the confidence she needed for her to reconnect.

She discovered that it was her that held the power to make the relationship the way she needed it to be. She was waiting for her partner to mind-read what she wanted and then give it to her.

What was also interesting, was when pushed how she wanted it to be it was not clear even to her. So we spent some time exploring what she meant by her future goals and helped her with the steps she could take to achieve those goals.

So you see with the right questions we can easily move someone to connect with their own truth and in this case to reclaim her relationship.

If you would like to explore what’s possible for your relationship book a consultation today.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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