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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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So many men and women are needlessly suffering in their relationships…

Men and women are needlessly suffering in their relationships simply because they don’t know how to translate the other persons’ words and behaviours.

The impact of not understanding this critical skill is significant.

Due to this problem some couples enter into a conflict that goes round in circles without a solution.

Some stop communicating their problems but stack resentments against each other.

Some people create other relationships or get their needs met outside the marriage.

Some simply don’t know the extent of the pain and suffering their partner is in.

Men and women are both suffering, but are likely to express it very differently.

‘the final nail in the coffin’

Whatever dynamic the couple creates through their lack of understanding they will start to practice what I call ‘the final nail in the coffin’ – They will start to consistently protect themselves from their partner.

When this happens it transfers that persons focus and belief system to focus on everything that’s wrong, to be clear the good is still there they just cannot see it.

They can practice focusing on everything that’s wrong until their emotions for their partner have died and now they can leave.

An example: One lady I was working with wanted to save her marriage, her husband was not sure what he wanted.

She started sharing her problem with her husbands’ historic behaviours.

I watched her husband emotionally running out of the door as he translated her words.

She had no idea she was making things worse. She had no idea he was hearing attack and criticism.

She had no idea he was collecting her words taking them to heart in such a way he could never be successful with her.

So she was providing the case for him to leave.

For her she was simply hoping he would connect to her pain and suffering totally unaware she was connecting him to his own pain and suffering – the more she spoke the more pain he was in and he simply wanted to go.

In this case, both people had misunderstood what they had to do to get to the truth in their marriage.

Her way of communicating was actually shutting him down but he too was not understanding why she speaking this way.

To him, she was aggressive, negative and mean. I totally understood why he would say that but he wasn’t right.

Two things needed to change – she needed to understand the tools and understanding that would attract him back into the marriage.

He needed to understand how to accurately translate her words and actions so he never needed to protect himself from her again.

His problem was his translation of her words and actions. Her problem was she had no idea how he was translating her.

I did ask her, did you not notice that what you were saying was making him retreat? She said when she communicated this way historically he understood and looked after her.

I had to tell her he never understood he thought one day you would just be happy. Through his lack of understanding he simply emotionally emptied and now he just wants it all to stop.

To help couples like this I have to help him understand her natural emotional patterns and what she needs to feel safe and loved.

BUT!

He must translate her in a way that enabled him to stay connected to himself. For him, this would be a critical life skill.

For her, she would have to understand his world and how to connect to him in a way he would value.

By helping couples understand how they can become positive influencers of each other in the marriage you empower them to create two powerful forces needed for the marriage to survive.

  1. They understand their partners’ world and what they need.
  2. They stay connected to their core self.

This process enables couples to start to see a future again.

Far too many couples are practising the reverse and it’s destroying their connection and any kind of future.

This example is just one pattern of many distorted dynamics couples can create without knowing.

With so much hanging in the balance, understanding how to be successful together is one of those critical life skills we never know we needed until it’s too late.

Many of my clients have told me that when their children marry one of their wedding presents to their children is a pre-marriage course with me.

 

 

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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