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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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So many men and women are needlessly suffering in their relationships…

Men and women are needlessly suffering in their relationships simply because they don’t know how to translate the other persons’ words and behaviours.

The impact of not understanding this critical skill is significant.

Due to this problem some couples enter into a conflict that goes round in circles without a solution.

Some stop communicating their problems but stack resentments against each other.

Some people create other relationships or get their needs met outside the marriage.

Some simply don’t know the extent of the pain and suffering their partner is in.

Men and women are both suffering, but are likely to express it very differently.

‘the final nail in the coffin’

Whatever dynamic the couple creates through their lack of understanding they will start to practice what I call ‘the final nail in the coffin’ – They will start to consistently protect themselves from their partner.

When this happens it transfers that persons focus and belief system to focus on everything that’s wrong, to be clear the good is still there they just cannot see it.

They can practice focusing on everything that’s wrong until their emotions for their partner have died and now they can leave.

An example: One lady I was working with wanted to save her marriage, her husband was not sure what he wanted.

She started sharing her problem with her husbands’ historic behaviours.

I watched her husband emotionally running out of the door as he translated her words.

She had no idea she was making things worse. She had no idea he was hearing attack and criticism.

She had no idea he was collecting her words taking them to heart in such a way he could never be successful with her.

So she was providing the case for him to leave.

For her she was simply hoping he would connect to her pain and suffering totally unaware she was connecting him to his own pain and suffering – the more she spoke the more pain he was in and he simply wanted to go.

In this case, both people had misunderstood what they had to do to get to the truth in their marriage.

Her way of communicating was actually shutting him down but he too was not understanding why she speaking this way.

To him, she was aggressive, negative and mean. I totally understood why he would say that but he wasn’t right.

Two things needed to change – she needed to understand the tools and understanding that would attract him back into the marriage.

He needed to understand how to accurately translate her words and actions so he never needed to protect himself from her again.

His problem was his translation of her words and actions. Her problem was she had no idea how he was translating her.

I did ask her, did you not notice that what you were saying was making him retreat? She said when she communicated this way historically he understood and looked after her.

I had to tell her he never understood he thought one day you would just be happy. Through his lack of understanding he simply emotionally emptied and now he just wants it all to stop.

To help couples like this I have to help him understand her natural emotional patterns and what she needs to feel safe and loved.

BUT!

He must translate her in a way that enabled him to stay connected to himself. For him, this would be a critical life skill.

For her, she would have to understand his world and how to connect to him in a way he would value.

By helping couples understand how they can become positive influencers of each other in the marriage you empower them to create two powerful forces needed for the marriage to survive.

  1. They understand their partners’ world and what they need.
  2. They stay connected to their core self.

This process enables couples to start to see a future again.

Far too many couples are practising the reverse and it’s destroying their connection and any kind of future.

This example is just one pattern of many distorted dynamics couples can create without knowing.

With so much hanging in the balance, understanding how to be successful together is one of those critical life skills we never know we needed until it’s too late.

Many of my clients have told me that when their children marry one of their wedding presents to their children is a pre-marriage course with me.

 

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & Trusted Advisor to High Performers

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, elite entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • All successful people have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce! - May 30, 2020
  • 10 Steps for Divorce Prevention - May 25, 2020
  • Marriage Breakthrough – “Why did they change their minds?” - May 23, 2020

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


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Recent Posts

  • “I feel nothing… and he’s no idea why!” – MiniPost
  • 7 Steps For a Successful Marriage Repair Process
  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
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