One of the topics I cover with some couples is in the concept of purpose, fulfilment and life creation.
Life purpose and fulfilment is a big topic so today I’m going to look at a critical foundation for achieving those goals.
WARNING: Some of today’s post is a more advanced look into human behaviour, and so some people may not be ready to hear these messages.
Life purpose & emotions
When you boil it down, life is really about a person wanting to experience the emotions they want.
We want to know in life we are going to experience pleasurable emotions and not painful emotions.
Avoiding the emotions we don’t want
The challenge so many people face is they become stuck in a loop of moving away from their emotional pain in a quest to move them towards the pleasure they want.
That thinking is their illusion.
Let’s start with a simple equation: Of moving away from pain to gain pleasure.
The person who thinks it’s safer to hold back their love, then discovers their partner is leaving them because they don’t feel loved.
Or the person who checks out from real life through too much alcohol is then negatively affecting their health and their relationships.
These paths are giving people the illusion of a pleasurable result, but it’s not actually taking them to what would equal the genuine pleasure they really need.
They now require more coping strategies to deal with the result of their actions.
So their focus on getting away from their pain is actually creating more pain for them ultimately.
Some people are totally unaware they are in this pattern.
They are now out of control
Most people are in these patterns and living an (out of control) reactive life, where life happens to them and they are forced to react to it, this means feeling good for them is a hit and miss affair.
These people are out of control of their feelings and will need help to gain back control to regain their self-esteem, their power and their confidence.
Don’t forget that confidence in one area of life doesn’t mean confidence in all, for example, a company CEO may be great at work but lost as a husband.
People that struggle with this are highly likely to experience stress, anxiety, depression and can feel very disconnected, some will feel emotionally lost.
Taking back control so we can live our purpose
What many are unaware of is these four points:
- Firstly life is about experiencing the emotions we want
- But many are not connected to what those specific emotions are
- Many are driven to avoiding the feelings they don’t want, but they are not unaware of this and it’s impact
- And many people are unaware that we actually “do our emotions to ourselves”. We are the creator of our emotions good and bad.
Too many people are unaware we are the creators of our own emotions.
They think the emotions happen to them or other people make us feel the way we do so is therefore is out of their control.
The most the world around us can do is trigger us, what happens after the trigger is down to our unique emotional filters.
So when a person is triggered, the healthy goal is to stop the destructive pattern and move them towards the emotion(s) they want.
Taking control of our emotions and making them a choice is a hugely empowering feeling and really should be everyone’s goal.
Our emotions can now be a compass for our life
So understanding the emotions you want now puts you in the driving seat.
It now means when designing a life today a life-path, life-quests, or goals we can predict if that path will give us the feelings we actually want.
So many people step into lives that end up leading them to frustration and disappointment.
Imagine spending your whole life on a quest and when the person gets that life the emotions they experience are meaningless to them.
Many wealthy people experience the feeling of wealth, but still feel empty.
Understanding your emotions means you are in control not only of today but the direction you are heading.
This understanding can become the foundation of effectively directing all areas of a persons life that are important to them.
- Love life
- Career
- Parenting
- Hobbies
- Life passions/quests
- Wealth
- Wellness
- Spirituality
You only get one life so getting back on the right track is so important emotionally.
Having a look at a person emotions and then connecting them to their life today and their life aspirations can also have a profound effect on their relationship.
This is because individuals and the couple can work toward creating the life experience they would both be excited by.
This is the final stage for couples wanting a bulletproof relationship in one of my programs.
Two people choosing the emotions they want today and in the future is what helps to create mutual fulfilment through team work.
Team work is a struggle for so many as they are consumed by their own disconnect to the emotions they really need to be happy.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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- “Most Couples Aren’t Broken – They’re Just Lost.” - November 7, 2025
- “After 39 years, we finally stopped the cycle we thought we’d never escape.” - November 4, 2025