• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • FAQs
  • Success Stories
  • About
  • Appointments
  • Blog

“The Creation of a Life Purpose”

One of the topics I cover with some couples is in the concept of purpose, fulfilment and life creation.

Life purpose and fulfilment is a big topic so today I’m going to look at a critical foundation for achieving those goals.

WARNING: Some of today’s post is a more advanced look into human behaviour, and so some people may not be ready to hear these messages.

Life purpose & emotions

When you boil it down, life is really about a person wanting to experience the emotions they want.

We want to know in life we are going to experience pleasurable emotions and not painful emotions.

Avoiding the emotions we don’t want

The challenge so many people face is they become stuck in a loop of moving away from their emotional pain in a quest to move them towards the pleasure they want.

That thinking is their illusion.

Let’s start with a simple equation: Of moving away from pain to gain pleasure.

The person who thinks it’s safer to hold back their love, then discovers their partner is leaving them because they don’t feel loved.

Or the person who checks out from real life through too much alcohol is then negatively affecting their health and their relationships.

These paths are giving people the illusion of a pleasurable result, but it’s not actually taking them to what would equal the genuine pleasure they really need.

They now require more coping strategies to deal with the result of their actions.

So their focus on getting away from their pain is actually creating more pain for them ultimately.

Some people are totally unaware they are in this pattern.

They are now out of control

Most people are in these patterns and living an (out of control) reactive life, where life happens to them and they are forced to react to it, this means feeling good for them is a hit and miss affair.

These people are out of control of their feelings and will need help to gain back control to regain their self-esteem, their power and their confidence.

Don’t forget that confidence in one area of life doesn’t mean confidence in all, for example, a company CEO may be great at work but lost as a husband.

People that struggle with this are highly likely to experience stress, anxiety, depression and can feel very disconnected, some will feel emotionally lost.

Taking back control so we can live our purpose

What many are unaware of is these four points:

  1. Firstly life is about experiencing the emotions we want
  2. But many are not connected to what those specific emotions are
  3. Many are driven to avoiding the feelings they don’t want, but they are not unaware of this and it’s impact
  4. And many people are unaware that we actually “do our emotions to ourselves”. We are the creator of our emotions good and bad.

Too many people are unaware we are the creators of our own emotions.

They think the emotions happen to them or other people make us feel the way we do so is therefore is out of their control.

The most the world around us can do is trigger us, what happens after the trigger is down to our unique emotional filters.

So when a person is triggered, the healthy goal is to stop the destructive pattern and move them towards the emotion(s) they want.

Taking control of our emotions and making them a choice is a hugely empowering feeling and really should be everyone’s goal.

Our emotions can now be a compass for our life

So understanding the emotions you want now puts you in the driving seat.

It now means when designing a life today a life-path, life-quests, or goals we can predict if that path will give us the feelings we actually want.

So many people step into lives that end up leading them to frustration and disappointment.

Imagine spending your whole life on a quest and when the person gets that life the emotions they experience are meaningless to them.

Many wealthy people experience the feeling of wealth, but still feel empty.

Understanding your emotions means you are in control not only of today but the direction you are heading.

This understanding can become the foundation of effectively directing all areas of a persons life that are important to them.

  • Love life
  • Career
  • Parenting
  • Hobbies
  • Life passions/quests
  • Wealth
  • Wellness
  • Spirituality

You only get one life so getting back on the right track is so important emotionally.

Having a look at a person emotions and then connecting them to their life today and their life aspirations can also have a profound effect on their relationship.

This is because individuals and the couple can work toward creating the life experience they would both be excited by.

This is the final stage for couples wanting a bulletproof relationship in one of my programs.

Two people choosing the emotions they want today and in the future is what helps to create mutual fulfilment through team work.

Team work is a struggle for so many as they are consumed by their own disconnect to the emotions they really need to be happy.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Follow simple yet powerful steps designed to save and reignite a marriage fast no matter what has happened"

Get Access Now!

Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3
  • The Divorce Path – Divorce Prevention Part 2
  • Mistakes that lead couples to Divorce – Part 1
  • Can’t live with you. Can’t live without you!
  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post
  • Committing to Personal Integrity – Mini Post
  • Men are afraid – Mini Post
  • Are you in a trading relationship? – Mini post
  • Communicating with MEN – Mini Post
  • From Stephen Hedger to you…
  • “Divorce won’t solve this…” – Mini Post

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Discussion
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Lost Attraction
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Stuck
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

 

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply FOR HELP NOW

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2023 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top