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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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The worst mistake you can make in a relationship

As I listen week after week, year after year to couple after couple share with me their unique stories. Stories of pain and suffering through affairs, loss of love, loss of passion, emotional disconnection they all have made this very simple but devastatingly powerful mistake. This mistake is costing them massively, it affects so many people and the ripples of disconnected families can go on for years.

Every couple I meet is totally unaware of what is really happening in their relationship and why they are where they are.

Both people will have theories and some will feel they are the ones that are right. But simply the fact that couples are going round in circles unable to solve their challenges suggests that they are both still making this fundamental mistake.

As a result, far too many couples are leaving perfectly good relationships and are likely to repeat this problem in future relationships.

So what is it?

What is causing couples so much pain and suffering?

The worst mistake you can make in a relationship are the ones you don’t know you are making! So just like this lady below it’s important to wake up your relationship to discover the truth.

In relationships the disconnect in understanding between men and women and what needs to happen to build a successful marriage for life is significant and the result of not understanding is tearing couples and then families apart.

So many people are logically (in their minds) connecting their emotions to the wrong problems and end up either leaving relationships that are perfectly good or staying in ones that are bad or unhealthy for too long.

So what are people not seeing?

They are not seeing that they are likely to be making their relationships worse without knowing. So totally normal lovely people are acting in a way that helps to emotionally shut down their partner and they are doing this for years.

Both men and women are equally responsible for these fundamental errors they don’t know they are making.

This then creates a problem where it becomes totally normal for both people in pain suffering for years to either blame each other for their problems or simply become resigned to the fact they are incompatible.

Some will feel their partner is emotionally incapable of connecting in a meaningful way. Some will feel their partner is to blame and you may be right but it’s very likely that you are part of the problem too.

What all couples prove to me very quickly is they are unaware of the true challenge they are facing, and so they both try to fix different problems with each other and then wonder why they are going round in circles.

They present to me very real pain and suffering, and varying degrees of emotional detachment due to present and past problems.

Their pain is real on both sides…

So if you really want to put yourself in a position where you can make a safe decision for you and your family you must start to become curious about what is and has been going on in your relationship.

You must learn how relationships work what skills are required and how you can become valuable to each other.

You MUST! MUST! MUST! learn what you are doing to yourself that is disconnecting you from your partner.

You must learn what you are doing that is helping your partner disconnect from you.

My mission with all couples is to give them very simple tools that help them to create new patterns of behaviour that enable powerful forces that help disconnected couples that should be together – reignite attraction.

One lady came in and started the meeting with a message that she felt it was all too late. In that very session with some simple but powerful strategies, she was spontaneously throwing her arms around her husband.

I saw in that moment she was reconnected, feminine, lighter, relieved – eyes full of joyful tears…

Afterwards, she said “words cannot describe … I have no words for what just happened”

You see she was unaware of what she was doing within herself that was disconnecting her from her husband and he was unaware of what he could do to help her reconnect.

All I did was put her in the right emotional position and then give them the tools – nature did the rest.

Of course, it’s ridiculous to say that all couples relationships can be saved.

What I do believe is it’s important for couples who are struggling to see if it’s possible to reconnect in a way that feels great for both people.

I also believe it’s especially important to do this if you have children as they are the ones having to emotionally deal with the mistakes emotionally lost adults are making.

Lasting solutions to relationship problems are not obvious so if you’d like my thoughts on your marriage and to discover what’s possible for you please make contact.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • All successful people have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce! - May 30, 2020
  • 10 Steps for Divorce Prevention - May 25, 2020
  • Marriage Breakthrough – “Why did they change their minds?” - May 23, 2020

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other
  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE”
  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem?
  • FREE Coaching: 5 Days to Clarity in Your Marriage
  • Helping Women Understand Their Husbands

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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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