I speak to so many women who admit they like to be in control but they are also fed-up they are in control.
I know that may look like a contradiction, but when you look closer their perspective makes total sense.
To be clear the men on the receiving end are fed-up too and that’s because no one is understanding the real problem.
This post might be a little controversial for some, but with so many cases like this turning up, I felt it needed some air time.
The part of the women that like to be in control is the more masculine side of their personality.
They use this side of their energy to get things done, this is when a woman becomes the doer and the fixer. In this space, she hasn’t got time for emotion.
They like to be in control of the things they need to do as there is so much to think about especially with normal family life is pulling them in so many directions.
The other side of their energy is they like to experience is their feminine energy and it’s this energy she may struggle to connect to, I see far too many women in this situation.
She has either rejected it, doesn’t know it exists, or cannot connect to it in her marriage.
This is the side of her where she likes to be looked after, she wants to be free of responsibility just for a short time, she may want to embrace letting go and enjoy being a girl, being loved, desired, protected and spoilt.
At core her energy is about being open and cared for in the way she needs it.
This is the energy many marriages are missing, because he won’t be aware of what she needs and why and she won’t know how to communicate it to help him.
So they both end up lost.
She is resentful she cannot connect to the part of herself she needs to love him and he is resentful that nothing he does is enough for her.
Some men end up thinking their wives love being in control and so they give her all the control of everything whilst giving up his own masculine energy to please her.
It not uncommon to find a man who is a powerful leader at work giving up his power at home to please her.
If he does take this action this is where it goes wrong, but it’s not his fault as he is likely to be out of ideas.
When men give up being who they really are at home to please their wives, their wives are not pleased and end up seeing him as a dependant rather than an equal partner.
Women need to experience a full bandwidth of emotional states. She needs to feel free to embrace all of who she is in her marriage.
When a man helps his wife become the best of her whilst accepting and helping her when she isn’t, she knows she is safe, free and loved.
- She needs him to know and see who she really is.
- She needs him to understand her.
- She needs to feel emotional security.
If you are a man reading this, when you help her to connect to herself, the part of her that can love you that’s the energy she is looking for.
For many women the pain she is in is directly connected to not being in the energy that allows her to love him.
If you are a woman reading this the man in your life has no way of understanding or connecting to this understanding and so if you can’t communicate it there is no way he will naturally understand either.
This is why so many couples end up lost and upset.
Obviously there is far more to this topic than this short post can convey.
Relationships are about energy and unless that energy is leading each person to generate and feel attraction the relationship will then become stressed and at some point questioned which is happening to many couples.
The problem is couples go round in circles with their problems because like this one it’s challenging to naturally see, understand and connect to.
So people put incorrect meanings to their problems each person blaming the other. In most cases the problem isn’t each other, the problem is a lack of knowledge.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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