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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Total Relief

As this couple sat in front of me you could see the total relief on their faces. I smiled and asked them “what do you now need from me?” they both looked at each other and together smiling said “nothing”.

This snap shot of their current reality was the polar opposite of what they brought to me a few months before.

She was making all the sounds that sounded like separation and he was at a total loss as to why they were even in this situation.

All he knew his wife had totally changed and his world was turning upside down, she talked to him about the potential of staying married, but just living different lives even living in different parts of the world.

To him this was out of the question.

With a passion he loved his wife, but he felt powerless to understand what was happening and how he could help her get back to what he perceived was their historic happiness.

In his mind they simply needed to go back to where they were and in her mind she needed to go forward, but from her perspective she needed to go forward alone.

What was interesting was she didn’t really know where her feeling were coming from, all she knew was her feelings were compelling her to leave/escape. She was consumed by these feelings, but also of guilt, she never wanted to hurt anyone, but she knew she was.

When she entered my sessions I could tell that a fearful version of herself was running her and this was not an emotionally safe place for her to be, so we needed swift action.

I helped her husband to understand what could one the caused her fear. I shared with him what his role was and how he could free her to start to feel safe and free to be who she really was.

She was initially shocked at how quickly I diagnosed the real issue. From my perspective it was very simple, she had adopted a coping strategy where she essentially became emotionally closed in their relationship. She had been operating from a position of being the fixer in the relationship (rarely good emotionally for females) and practicality just getting on with it.

She wasn’t worried about her, she was simply happy if everyone else was ok. The problem with this strategy is in her quest to not rock the boat she was emotionally emptying herself year after year. No one in her family was aware of her problem and she wasn’t aware of what was helping her feel so bad.

As the children were reaching late teens a part of her saw an opportunity that would enable her to still be part of the family from afar, but also be free to be who she really was.

It was simple for her, I can only be me if I spend time away from her husband. I knew this was a fear response and so we worked to help her understand what she was trying to escape from.

So I asked her this: What if she could be free to be her true self and accepted for being truly her within this marriage and how would this affect her view of herself and her marriage?

She struggled initially with that new thought, but slowly she could see that her real problem was not the marriage it was who she thought she had to be within it.

Essentially she had become someone she wasn’t. This was a root course of her pain.

As she committed to learning how to become her true essence and identity from within the marriage, and he committed to learn about her support her and love her no matter what, she was then safely free to explore who she could become from within the marriage.

We discover on this journey that she had so many plans ideas and dreams that could easily become a reality from within the marriage as long as she had her husbands support.

So she was right they did need to move forward, but what they really needed was a brand new relationship where she felt free to be open and her true self. This meant far more open and honest communication.

His quest to take her back in time was always going to be met with resistance from her, purely because back in time for her was a place of coping and emotional pain.

By understanding this it brought new confidence to him that now he could influence his own future and relationship positively, especially now he had the tools to understand her.

The result was a total U-turn:

She discovered that leaving the relationship was a terrible idea because the relationship was not the problem. She learnt that the relationship was not set up to support her. By organising a different dynamic the couple were able to connect in a way that reflected what they both fell in love with.

This ignited a new intimacy connection and passion.

I asked her what would she say to other people who are struggling with their marriage. Her message was simple: Everyone should find out what is really going on in their marriage and not to give up no matter what or how powerful their feelings are.

She today cannot believe the contrast of her own feelings within a few months.

She said that she could easily have walked away so many times and by learning about what was going on within her she was so thankful she learnt her truth.

She said leaving her marriage would have been the biggest mistake of her life and what’s frightening was if could have happened to her.

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • All successful people have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce! - May 30, 2020
  • 10 Steps for Divorce Prevention - May 25, 2020
  • Marriage Breakthrough – “Why did they change their minds?” - May 23, 2020

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"Working with Stephen was the most valuable 12 hours of my life. He gave me the tools to build a deeply loving, passionate relationship. His compassion, humour, and insight truly transformed me as a man."

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Recent Posts

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other
  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE”
  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem?
  • FREE Coaching: 5 Days to Clarity in Your Marriage
  • Helping Women Understand Their Husbands

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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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