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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Total Relief

As this couple sat in front of me you could see the total relief on their faces. I smiled and asked them “what do you now need from me?” they both looked at each other and together smiling said “nothing”.

This snap shot of their current reality was the polar opposite of what they brought to me a few months before.

She was making all the sounds that sounded like separation and he was at a total loss as to why they were even in this situation.

All he knew his wife had totally changed and his world was turning upside down, she talked to him about the potential of staying married, but just living different lives even living in different parts of the world.

To him this was out of the question.

With a passion he loved his wife, but he felt powerless to understand what was happening and how he could help her get back to what he perceived was their historic happiness.

In his mind they simply needed to go back to where they were and in her mind she needed to go forward, but from her perspective she needed to go forward alone.

What was interesting was she didn’t really know where her feeling were coming from, all she knew was her feelings were compelling her to leave/escape. She was consumed by these feelings, but also of guilt, she never wanted to hurt anyone, but she knew she was.

When she entered my sessions I could tell that a fearful version of herself was running her and this was not an emotionally safe place for her to be, so we needed swift action.

I helped her husband to understand what could one the caused her fear. I shared with him what his role was and how he could free her to start to feel safe and free to be who she really was.

She was initially shocked at how quickly I diagnosed the real issue. From my perspective it was very simple, she had adopted a coping strategy where she essentially became emotionally closed in their relationship. She had been operating from a position of being the fixer in the relationship (rarely good emotionally for females) and practicality just getting on with it.

She wasn’t worried about her, she was simply happy if everyone else was ok. The problem with this strategy is in her quest to not rock the boat she was emotionally emptying herself year after year. No one in her family was aware of her problem and she wasn’t aware of what was helping her feel so bad.

As the children were reaching late teens a part of her saw an opportunity that would enable her to still be part of the family from afar, but also be free to be who she really was.

It was simple for her, I can only be me if I spend time away from her husband. I knew this was a fear response and so we worked to help her understand what she was trying to escape from.

So I asked her this: What if she could be free to be her true self and accepted for being truly her within this marriage and how would this affect her view of herself and her marriage?

She struggled initially with that new thought, but slowly she could see that her real problem was not the marriage it was who she thought she had to be within it.

Essentially she had become someone she wasn’t. This was a root course of her pain.

As she committed to learning how to become her true essence and identity from within the marriage, and he committed to learn about her support her and love her no matter what, she was then safely free to explore who she could become from within the marriage.

We discover on this journey that she had so many plans ideas and dreams that could easily become a reality from within the marriage as long as she had her husbands support.

So she was right they did need to move forward, but what they really needed was a brand new relationship where she felt free to be open and her true self. This meant far more open and honest communication.

His quest to take her back in time was always going to be met with resistance from her, purely because back in time for her was a place of coping and emotional pain.

By understanding this it brought new confidence to him that now he could influence his own future and relationship positively, especially now he had the tools to understand her.

The result was a total U-turn:

She discovered that leaving the relationship was a terrible idea because the relationship was not the problem. She learnt that the relationship was not set up to support her. By organising a different dynamic the couple were able to connect in a way that reflected what they both fell in love with.

This ignited a new intimacy connection and passion.

I asked her what would she say to other people who are struggling with their marriage. Her message was simple: Everyone should find out what is really going on in their marriage and not to give up no matter what or how powerful their feelings are.

She today cannot believe the contrast of her own feelings within a few months.

She said that she could easily have walked away so many times and by learning about what was going on within her she was so thankful she learnt her truth.

She said leaving her marriage would have been the biggest mistake of her life and what’s frightening was if could have happened to her.

 

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"In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress."

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Recent Posts

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post
  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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