Over the years of working with couples in crisis, my mission has been to help couples in crisis learn if they have the ability to breakthrough their problems and really make their relationship work.
- Couples who have split up and physically separated have discovered how to reconnect physically and emotionally.
- Couples who have fallen foul of an affair learn how it happened and how to rebuild their relationship and trust in each other.
- Couples who have lost passion for each other have discovered how their unique attraction is created, what kills it and how to keep it alive for life.
All these couples have learnt how to communicate, how to grow closer through conflict and how to build a compelling future together.
You see the objective is to take couples with little hope for a future together and help them build a compelling future one they can both look forward to.
Couples that are on the edge of divorce have lost vision that their future together is going to be better than it is today.
This is why divorce can become attractive for so many people who only see the future together as miserable or non-existent and leaving is their only option.
The problem I see is couples are not seeing early enough that making and keeping the future exciting is part of their initial attraction but they lost this critical energy and for some boredom, resentments, negativity can take over killing their future.
So my mission with every couple that has their breakthrough moment(s) is to help them create a vision so the future together is compelling again.
Successful relationships should not be hard work, if putting effort into a relationship is a chore then something is wrong.
Here is why…
- A successful couple will do anything for each other.
- Successful couples will have a great connection with themselves and are free to be who they are when they are with their partner.
- Successful couples are able to really see each other, understand and feel naturally safe together.
- Successful couples make it their mission to learn and meet their partners’ critical needs and they have understood how their partner is different from them and see this difference as a strength.
- Successful partners will not make their relationship about them. In fact, successful couples have a far greater expectation of themselves than they do of their partner.
- Successful couples are passionate and can disagree but know how to grow closer from their conflicts.
- Successful couples know how to keep their passion for each other alive firstly by not needing to protect themselves from their partner. They use unconditional love and vulnerability as a means to create true security and depth of connection.
This BTW is the reverse of how most people think. and is the root of so many problems. You simply can’t love someone you have to protect yourself from. Many people are protecting themselves from partners that really do love them but don’t yet know how to show it effectively.
- Successful couples are on the same page about their future together and where they are going. In fact, the most successful couples will plan their future and design the relationship they both really want.
- Successful couples have understood that being a valuable partner is about learning new skills and learning to understand your partners’ world so you can connect with them there.
So many people are genuinely loved but by a partner that has no clue of how to connect to their partners’ world so the connection is too weak and the couple will struggle to keep the passion alive.
There is no question that relationship building is a skill and that once mastered makes couples lives so much easier.
The way I see it is men and women are not really meant to live in a box together. There is very little natural understanding between men and women so learning your partners’ world is critical if being together passionately for life is your goal.
This year many people in crisis right now are going to be applying to learn these critical life skills to keep their family together.
May 2019 be your year.
