Every couple is unique and their vision for a great marriage will differ across the world. If these couples were aware of the knowledge that would keep their marriage safe no matter what, it would make a significant difference to a trend that is leading so many couples to the end of their marriage.
To take a relationship where two people are fulfilled and connected passionately they need to be aware of some simple skills.
The first skill is to become aware of what you don’t know.
From the start of your relationship your partner is going to be having a very different experience from you within your relationship, so it’s important to learn what your partner is experiencing and the meanings they are attaching to you.
If a person is creating a meaning that is leading them to need to hold back in the relationship then that needs to be understood quickly. Too many of us are holding back through the fear of not feeling understood. We know if we are not understood then we won’t feel loved and this could lead to a need to protect yourself emotionally.
With a trend of couples losing their passion for each other through an overriding need for security it’s important to understand why.
The big picture is if your partner is creating meanings and attaching those meanings to you, it’s important to understand, because this process of growing resentments is what leads couples to serious problems.
This leads us to one important skill, of putting your partner first.
This very simple principle is a challenge for many, but is critical for a life long connection.
Try these simple questions.
- Ask your partner who they think is number one in your life. If their answer is not ‘them’ please explore why.
- Ask yourself who is number one in your own life and if it’s not your partner find out why.
- Ask your partner who is number on in their life, if it’s not you, find out why.
When children, work, families, friends all seem to become more important then trouble is never far away.
So if you have discovered that the key principal of being number one is missing in your relationship your next question is how do we change it?
What has to happen for you or your partner to feel number one in each others lives?