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Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Advisor | Harley Street London

There is a group of people who are most likely to suffer in their long-term intimate relationships. 

This group of people have a mission and that is they are looking to change/control the behaviours of people around them so they are emotionally happy and secure in themselves.

Some of these people are consciously aware of what they are doing and some just think this is how life actually works.

This group of people are the ones who DO NOT have a successful relationship with themselves and are wanting people around them to adapt their behaviour so they are not emotionally triggered.

In essence, what these people are doing is trying to avoid the feelings they don’t want and they will do almost anything to avoid them including controlling others.

What interesting is this person wants others around to dance to their tune, but if the same was asked of them they would reject the request to change in a heart beat.

We all know these people, no matter what is happening they will be triggered to find a way to be upset either through being negative always looking for problems, they can be angry at the drop of a hat, they might feel qualified to judge everything, there are the blamers and the ones that fear everything the list, of course, goes on and on.

The key is these people are trying to control the outside world, which is impossible and their lack of success will add to their stress.

So this results in them practicing being unhappy with those around them.

What they struggle to see is what is driving their behaviour.

With help, they can take back control of their lives by learning that their emotions are created by themselves and they have the power to chose them once they know-how.

The down side of this group is…

The pleasers will do their best to comply, but will eventually burn out, the rest will either quietly conform but with resentments stacking as they eventually plan their exit, and the rest will fight their corner and a power-play will ensue.

Either way either aggressive or passive control will kill any kind of connection and lead couples into a transactional emotionless relationship.

This is why many couples and individuals are attending my sessions to deal with their individual challenges long before we deal with the couple problems.

This way they are armed to become effective partners that don’t look to control each other but look to add massive value in the way their partner needs. 

They learn to contribute effectively because it’s who they are and this is the authentic energy that grows love and is a foundation to life long passion.

Stephen Hedger
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