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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Why don’t we know this?”

My clients are bright successful people. Yet the sentence I hear almost every week is “why don’t we know this?”

I asked myself the same question as I discovered more and more about intimate relationships, why they work and why they don’t.

  • Why do they start ok and why do they die?
  • What creates attraction and what makes that die?
  • How can so much love turn into so much hate?

It’s jaw-dropping we are all left to understand our relationships with no help.

Worse than that is we don’t know what we don’t know so we don’t look for the help we need.

Or we rely too much on what we think we know, unaware it really isn’t enough.

Whole family’s lives are hanging in the balance of so many misunderstandings and painful confusions.

He loved her

I remember sitting in a session and a gentleman who was a company CEO. He was on his own with me and was in floods of tears.

His wife had complained at him for years she was unhappy, but her words made no real sense to him, in his world she had everything.

He hadn’t ignored her words he just didn’t know what to do with them so he hoped time would heal the problem.

She was now questioning the marriage and their future together which is why he came to me alone for answers.

I helped this man see the world through his wife eyes.

He had discovered how his wife was translating his behaviour throughout their marriage.

He had no idea she saw him and the world that way and how much pain she was in as a result.

Through his tears, he said, “if I had known what was going on for her I would have helped in a heartbeat”.

“I didn’t know! I didn’t know!” he sobbed.

He told me he loved his wife and was only now seeing why she had struggled so much.

Seeing each others world is a critical skill for couples.

The thing is people don’t know what to do and it’s not their fault, what I have to share with individuals and couples today was nowhere to be seen as I was growing up.

So I expect people to be lost and confused.

This next lady was struggling too, not her fault but she needed help.

She was her problem

Another lady had lived 40 years without understanding what drove her towards inappropriate men.

She was on the tail end of another bad connection and she called me. Other counsellors had told her she should wait and a suitable man would turn up.

She thought that she was the problem and to her surprise I agreed.

So she had to see me.

The moment she understood her drivers were her own fears and what she went through growing up, in floods of tears she said “why didn’t I know this”?

I told her she now had a choice she could spend the rest of her life regretting her lost years or she could embrace the next 50 and claim the life she should have always lived.

She has since kept me updated over the years with her engagement and marriage.

Once people understand they will change

Another gentleman was reacting badly to his wife for years and after just 3 sessions she could see he was now understanding her and instead of making things worse he was now helping her.

She had no idea he didn’t understand her, she just thought they were wrong for each other.

She thought she would have to leave him but owed the marriage one last try.

She is now understanding how she can support him and how she can help him to become successful with her.

She used to blow-up and pick at him, he used to blow-up and walk off, now they don’t need to do this anymore.

Much to their relief.

Chances are you’re not wrong for each other

So many people are suffering together and they don’t know why.

Many people conclude they are incompatible, blaming each other for their problems.

If they keep blaming others they will fall into the trap of multiple relationships not seeing the real problem.

People don’t know what they don’t know

The biggest problem is people just don’t know what they don’t know.

Plus people are not looking for what they don’t know.

In the world of relationships it’s what you don’t know will hurt you most.

This is why individuals and couples need help understanding what they currently can’t see.

When should we seek help?

When people are happy they don’t search for help, because they think they don’t need it despite most people knowing the divorce rate is 50%+.

What would people do if they knew only a small percentage of the other 50% who stayed married were actually happy.

Might they re-think their education in this area?

I was once asked when should couples or individuals come to me for help and the answer is simple.

They should come the day they decided to marry and now!

You see life is full of problems and unless you deal with those problems as a team and without compromise, suffering will arrive.

Very few know how to do this, again not their fault.

Look at these groups of people who are attending my sessions in volumes.

  • Retired couples – in crisis!
  • Couples who have sold a company – in crisis!
  • Kids have or are about to leave home and the couple is in crisis!

So at a time when these couples should be basking in the fruits of their labor, enjoying the amazing job they’ve done with their kids, they enter a crisis.

The reason this happens for many is because all the distractions are going away.

They are left with two identities they didn’t know how to feed.

Their relationship was starved of the energy of how to be an effective “husband” and “wife”.

They were unaware their roles of “father”, “mother” and “career person(s)”, had masked the immense connection deficit in their marriage.

So their connection wasn’t working and they have just noticed due to their life-changing situation.

And now I’m having to spend the last few years I have left on this planet with you..! The person I have no connection with and no purpose.

Really!!?

One gentleman 71 said he discovered through the Marriage breakthrough Program how much he didn’t know about his wife.

He said “I knew her of course, but I didn’t really know her did I”?

Attraction is natural, being married for life isn’t, so learning how be married and happy is a critical life skill.

If you want help please get on the list here.

It’s not necessary to suffer once you know what to do.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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Recent Posts

  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
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  • “What if I’m not enough?”
  • “Another 5 Years Like This? No Way!”
  • In Crisis, their Minds Destroyed Their Lives
  • “Couples are failing at the basics…”
  • “You Might Be in the Wrong Relationship… But Not for the Reason You Think…”
  • Case Studies: “How Changing Your Perspective Can Fix Your Relationship—Here’s Proof”

Over 1300 Relationship Articles


Categories

  • A thought for Sunday (29)
  • Case Studies (2)
  • Communication (70)
  • Destructive Patterns (137)
  • Discussion (2)
  • Infidelity-Affairs (38)
  • Loss of Love (43)
  • Loss of passion (35)
  • Lost Attraction (22)
  • Marriage Coaching (423)
  • Marriage Mastery Assessment (1)
  • Masculine & Feminine (9)
  • Monday Breakthrough (2)
  • Personal Development (104)
  • Rebuilding trust (39)
  • Relationship Stories (24)
  • Retirement Crisis (6)
  • Save Marriage Alone (42)
  • Separation & Divorce (9)
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts (54)
  • Stuck (9)
  • Testimonials (59)
  • Top 10 Popular Posts (12)
  • Uncategorized (761)

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
  • Impossible Marriage Problems?
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*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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