The truth is that when done right being in love is the most rewarding place to be.
Sadly many couples struggle to keep their love alive and they unwittingly kill their own connection.
When I say alive what I mean is alive with connected intimacy and passion combined with excitement for their future together.
Lots of people will say they love their partner, but will struggle when asked if they are in love with them.
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is a common representation of this challenge.
The reason being in love is so challenging for so many is they have no model for how it happens and what kills it.
Love for many is a worry, it’s risky, some only have a model for receiving and not giving, some worry they won’t be loved and some are concerned they are not enough for their partner.
So what happens is when things start to go wrong the couple will enter self-protection models of behavior, these are destructive.
Couples are not understanding how to effectively deal with the problems they face and so their problems turn into resentments.
This model of erosion creates fear in at least one person and so how they show up in the marriage changes.
The initial focus on love and passion and fun starts to be replaced with worry, uncertainty, loss of security driven by feelings of worthlessness or powerlessness.
This creates a need to self-protect and now a model of control takes over and the relationship stops growing and so it stalls ready to fall.
- Love cannot grow if there is a need to control each other.
- Love cannot grow without freedom, love cannot grow without vulnerability.
- Love cannot grow if a person’s focus is on themselves.
- Love cannot grow without unconditional love.
If a relationship cannot grow then it will start to die.
Many people struggle with how to achieve those critical elements and so they suffer, some suffer their whole life and end up alone, bitter not trusting anyone.
I spend a lot of my time helping clients understand how to create unconditional love in a way that empowers them.
To achieve this the person’s thinking has to change so they free themselves so for the first time they get to experience who they were really designed to be.
Not being who you are supposed to be in your life is exhausting, please know there is a better way.