This post is for individuals who want to take back control of their life and marriage!
Is your marriage no longer working? Are you feeling alone, disconnected, or uncared for in your marriage? The first step is to avoid trying to change your partner because if you have tried, you’ll probably realise that you will get nowhere except to make matters worse.
The first step is to fight for yourself by rebuilding yourself so you are empowered to make the right decisions for yourself moving forward.
- You may want to save the marriage – Fighting for yourself is the best first step.
- You may want to understand if this marriage is right for you – Fighting for yourself is the best first step.
- You may not know what you want – Fighting for yourself is the best first step.
One of the most common side effects of a broken marriage is a person’s inability to be their true self when they are with their partner.
This is one of the most painful reasons for a relationship breakdown. They can feel they are struggling to have a relationship with themselves that they like.
In fact, many people feel they have to go outside the marriage to feel good again.
My ability to like how I feel about myself when I’m with you is a significant reason many relationships fail.
If you think back, what you feel today is in total contrast to the reason why the relationship initially made sense.
Initially, I loved how I felt about myself when I was with you.
So many people face the challenge of feeling like they’re walking on eggshells, unable to communicate, unable to express who they really are without fear of judgment, frustration, or worse—indifference.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve been stuck in this emotional cycle for a long time.
Maybe you’ve tried to fix it and hoped things would get better. But they haven’t. And now you find yourself wondering, “Is this it? Is this all there is for me?”
You Are Not Alone in Feeling This Way
So many people like you feel isolated in their relationships despite their best efforts.
It’s easy to think that you’re the only one struggling to communicate or find a connection, but the truth is that many people feel the same disconnection in their marriages.
You may feel you have given your all to your career, your family, and your responsibilities, but somewhere along the way, you may feel you have lost yourself in your relationship.
The Silent Pain
For many’s it’s not just about being misunderstood; it’s about feeling that no matter what you do, you’re “not enough”.
I hear men telling me the pain of seeing they are failing their wife every day is unbearable.
I hear women communicate that she doesn’t feel he ever cares; he is proving to her how insignificant she is, and this leads her to feel unsafe with him.
To make matters worse, you may have reached a point where every conversation feels like a battle, or worse—there are no real conversations anymore.
Many feel like they are living two separate lives under one roof.
The worst part? You’re questioning yourself, and you don’t know what to think or what to do.
One thing is clear deep down: You know something is fundamentally wrong, and you didn’t sign up for a marriage that leaves you feeling so wrong.
Is This the Future You Want?
Most would say, “Of course not.” So picture this: five years from now, are you still in the same place emotionally?
Would you regret not taking action? Most would answer “Yes”.
The question is, what action? Because actions have consequences.
How do I take action that doesn’t lead to a mistake or a life of regret?
How do I take safe action that doesn’t rock the boat until rocking the boat is clearly the right action?
Most people want to know they did all they could before they did something that could not be undone.
Because people cannot see what this action is, they end up paralysed and heading for another five years, which will only get worse.
Many end up afraid to stay and afraid to go, knowing that every day is painful, so they feel trapped.
Trapped in a cycle of sadness, self-pity, frustration, and anger, never feeling good whilst seeking some solace in alcohol, food, drugs or another short-lived distraction, which will only lead them back into the cycle of emotional despair.
This is how relationships build spiralling depression and anxiety.
You Deserve to Be Seen, Heard, and Understood
The truth is, it doesn’t have to be this way. You deserve a relationship where you are seen, heard, and valued for who you really are—not just the version of you that fits neatly into the role of spouse, parent, or provider.
You deserve to live a life in which you don’t have to turn yourself into someone you are NOT just to keep the peace.
Many people in your shoes feel like change is impossible—but it’s not.
I understand if you feel you have tried everything, but it’s essential to know you have tried everything you know, and this will never be enough to achieve a safe outcome.
It’s important to know you can take steps to take charge and discover if your marriage will always be a source of pain and suffering or if there is a much happier marriage within the one you have.
All you need is how.
Getting clarity on this is so important to make a confident decision.
You must be honest with yourself to gain a safe outcome
There are four critical moving parts
- I must understand how to reclaim and be my true self.
- I must be clear on the life and type of relationship I want.
- I must understand what I need to know and do to become worthy of the life and relationship I want.
- I need to understand how my partner is different from me so I can bring out the best in my partner.
1. I must understand how to reclaim and be my true self.
What’s interesting about this position is that some people are acutely aware that they have either lost this connection or don’t know who they are anymore.
Others are oblivious and say they feel fine, but when quizzed to discover if they understand themselves, I ask them if they value love and kindness; they will say yes but will start to see that what they value they never become in their marriage.
This is a route to emotional pain.
So they’ll quickly see that even with help, they cannot commit to themselves and that what they say is important.
This position can lead them to declare they are unhappy in the marriage but not see that part of the problem is their inability to be themselves, which is their responsibility.
2. I must be clear on the life and type of relationship I want.
Most people don’t design their relationship; they fall in love and wait for life to happen, which leads most couples to be unhappy, bored, passionless, and going nowhere.
It’s like two people get excited at the thought of a voyage through life together and get on the “love boat” that sits in a harbour for years, going nowhere.
When couples don’t design a life, one or both people can struggle to stay invested. They have to seek to meet their needs outside of the marriage, and this causes many problems.
Not feeling safe, fulfilled or happy in a marriage is a crippling position for both people.
When designing a life together, step one is building a foundation that will ensure our security without the need to focus on feeling safe.
This position has to be understood and designed to allow success.
This creates a foundation where two people can easily access love, passion and joy.
More love, passion, and joy at this level will create a safer feeling on both sides.
3. I must understand what I need to know and do to become worthy of the life and relationship I want.
Each individual is responsible for understanding how to show up in the relationship, so they constantly bring a win-win interaction model no matter what is unfolding.
Most people operate on a desire-to-win model, which creates a win-lose outcome for each person and, ultimately, a lose-lose model for the relationship and team.
Building a win-win model encompasses understanding the mission of the interaction and how it can be done to serve each person.
Remember, each person is very different, so understanding how and why your partner is different quickly becomes a critical mission.
4. I need to understand how and why my partner is very different from me so I can bring out the best in my partner.
Some people are oblivious to the fact that their partner’s thinking is radically different from theirs, and this is normal; in fact, no two people think the same.
Their needs are different. Some may feel they share the same values, totally unaware that how those values are met could be worlds apart.
The key part of this is that if I don’t understand how my partner is different, I can never truly be of value to them.
The most challenging person is the one who is convinced they understand their partner but can only see their partner’s behaviours through their own emotional filters.
To Conclude, Your First Step is to Understand You Are Worth Fighting For
Your happiness, emotional well-being, and sense of self are worth fighting for first.
You’ve probably fought for your successes, your career, and your family, but now it’s time to fight for you – it’s your time!
Your happiness doesn’t sit outside of you, so understanding what you need to rebuild to gain more confidence and self-esteem is critical so you can show up in your marriage as an authentic you and not a fearful you.
Imagine what life could look like if you embraced your understanding of yourself to such a degree that you were now fearless enough to embrace a new way of being to see if it could positively affect your marriage.
You must understand what you are capable of achieving so you can clearly determine which decisions are right for you.
Imagine a future where you are entirely yourself, fully alive, and this is a future where you decide if you are enough and no one else.
Clients who come to me on their own are taken on this unique journey of self-empowerment – they value their life and want the best for themselves.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
- Why Trying to Fix the Surface Never Works (And What Actually Does) - June 24, 2025
- Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other - June 19, 2025
- “Your Marriage is On FIRE” - June 17, 2025