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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Are we headed for divorce?”

When I’m asked this question, I usually respond with this question…

“Do you love how you feel about yourself when you are with your partner?”

“Does your partner love how they feel about themselves when they are with you?”

If the answer is no for just one person, the next question will be, how long has this been going on?

People on a divorce path have usually been feeling wrong for at least two years unless there is a significant break of trust.

The reason I ask these questions is I know if those are true then the following is going to be happening.

After two years of problems, resentment stacking is going to be creating a far deeper challenge for that person and in turn their connection.

I’ll explain.

So if I have not liked how I feel about myself when I’m with you for two years it’s a typical time for how long it takes for a detachment model to be taking place.

They will now be living parallel transactional lives.

This means that person is no longer looking for the relationship to meet their needs, so their work, family, friends and their kids are now the vehicles each person uses to meet their needs.

This is a problem because the person in this place can start to wonder what is the point of the relationship so it is now losing its power.

So I don’t like how I feel about myself when I’m with you for at least two years.

This relationship no longer meets my critical needs, so I go outside the relationship to feel good.

Let’s compound what is also happening for many people.

People in this space tend to not do conflict in a healthy way, so our conflicts don’t end in a conclusion that feels good for one or both people.

It’s likely that one person is worried about the future because they can no longer see it with how they are being together.

In fact, many people are thinking if the next five years are like the last five it will fill them with dread.

What this creates is an ongoing negative mindset bias.

All they can now see is what’s wrong, so their feelings are constantly negative.

They may also be hyper-critical of their partner, and this will create a mirrored energy in their partner, and that will stack more proof the relationship doesn’t work.

Now one or both people are now growing powerfully destructive emotions and attaching them to their marriage these below will accelerate the couple towards physical or emotional divorce.

  • Resentment
  • Contempt
  • Judgements
  • Withdrawal
  • Blaming
  • Defensiveness
  • Stonewalling
  • Demanding
  • and worst of all, indifference

People that feel this way for two long can look for relief from their suffering.

  • Affairs
  • Addictions
  • Distractions outside the marriage

Any person in this space is usually on a divorce path, so they do tend to leave the marriage, but there are also many who are disconnected but settle, accept their lot and create a life away from the relationship.

So is this really the end for that couple? Should they leave? Should they settle?

Maybe, but it’s a risk that I don’t recommend until they have discovered if they are part of the problem.

If they don’t see their part, they will take their problem into their new life and run this emotional problem again.

It’s one of the reasons why second marriages have a much higher divorce rate.

What I see is people are here because they struggle to know how to get the connection going in a way which is good for both people.

For many, this is simply down to not understanding what to do, and they assume that based on what they are creating together, this is their truth.

Most couples I see and accept into my program are experiencing the truth of their lack of knowledge.

When they gain the right knowledge reconnection then becomes much easier because they can now see why their partner is responding the way they are.

There is a strategy to help individuals and couples gain clarity no matter what their starting point is.

The mission I put individuals and couples onto is gaining clarity.

So we don’t try to fix the marriage; we are looking for organic growth and natural reconnection.

This is what builds a reconnection that lasts.

The question is this; “…with the right knowledge and support, what are we capable of achieving?”

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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  • About
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Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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