Far too many people are suffering in their relationships. As I watch couple after couple go through my programs I see really lovely people who despite doing their best are living their own personal hell.
All these people have made themselves incompatible without meaning to. They never set out to harm their marriage, but the marriage is breaking down and they are suffering not knowing what to do.
Some try to bury their heads, some keep trying and inevitably some become so emotionally empty they can give up through exhaustion.
The paths to relationship trauma are varied, so the solution for each couple has to be different however the goal/destination for all these couples is the same.
So imagine knowing exactly what you have to do to positively impact yourself, your partner and your relationship.
The knowing what to do is created by understanding the significantly different understandings and energies the men and women need to create and become to be able to breakthrough their problems and keep their passion for each other alive for life.
A small percentage naturally get this dynamic right the rest of us need to learn something new – I was in the having to learn camp.
Once a person understands who they have to become to be of value to their marriage then the way they approach the relationship and it’s natural ups and downs will become really easy to be in.
When I hear people say you have to work at a marriage I don’t hear a good message. What a marriage needs cannot be hard work because if it is it won’t be sustainable.
Relationships, when approached correctly, are NOT hard work.
The reason people suffer so much in their marriage is because they cannot be themselves in it. The true suffering comes from not being able to be the fun-loving people they know they really are.
The moment the person is free to be who they really are in their marriage then the marriage will become easy.
“I love how I feel about me when I’m with you…” this is a feeling that will feel effortless and is not hard work.
This is, of course, the reverse of how most couples in trouble feel.
So what does the couple have to learn about themselves and each other to be in the position of loving who they are when they are with each other?
A fundamental law of keeping a relationship alive is in the ability to maintain passion whilst knowing that no matter what my partner has my back.
This means the couple must learn new skills to be in the position to understand their partner so they stop protecting and defending themselves from their partner and start protecting the relationship.
Couples that stop negatively controlling their relationship set the foundation to becoming a team.
Being a team means they can design their life and relationship together so not only do they love how they feel about themselves when they are together, but their future also looks purposeful and exciting.
So together they are now both confident because their energy is alive and attractive, showing up is easy and when conflict does happen they grow closer from it.
I have couples from all walks of life and from all over the world come to learn these unique skills and powerfully new mindsets with me.
The most common word I hear from my clients is “enlightened”
- Some are shocked – “why didn’t I know this”
- Some are sad as they have lived life with the wrong understanding.
- One man cried as he realised how he had been hurting his wife without knowing.