If you want your relationship/marriage to work then learning the answer to this question will be a monumental jump forward for any couple to explore.
Question: What really has to happen for couples to stay connected in a meaningful way for life?
Many couples are only learning they should have known the answer to this question after they survived their own personal crisis…
These couples have lived a half life with each other, coping and existing, never really connecting at a level which would have worked long-term.
You see men and women are not naturally designed to understand each other emotionally. In fact emotionally the sexes are poles apart.
Our relationships are one of the most emotional experiences we can have. So how can we connect emotionally if we don’t understand each other?
This really is the point!: Men and women are not born knowing how to understand each other…
In an effort to understand we try to make our partners words and actions fit into to what naturally seems to make sense to us. The problem is if we do this most of the time we will be wrong.
So if we really don’t understand each other how can we connect?… Plain and simple you can’t! Understanding is the key, or at least showing an active desire to understand is a big step in the right direction.
Remember 50% divorce rate is that high for a reason – lack of understanding.
When couples fail to connect especially emotionally, their relationship will experience symptoms like affairs, detachment, loss of love to name a few.
Look at this story:
This couple was very much in love living together, she desperately wanted to marry him, but after a while she started to realise something she had ignored, but was becoming important to her.
He really didn’t understand her and from her perspective he didn’t seem to want to try even though she tried to tell him over and over. The result: She was becoming verbally upset with his lack of care and the more upset she became the less he wanted to marry her.
Realising he was never going to understand she stopped her emotional outbursts and in doing so disconnected from him emotionally. She stayed in the relationship hoping things would change.
She longed for him to see her silence as a clear message, hoping he would come to her and want to understand her. After another year of her being disconnected emotionally he by contrast was enjoying the calm, no conflict meant all was well.
There was no upset coming from her, she seemed from his perspective, content. In reality she was just waiting to feel strong enough to leave the relationship as her love had now died because clearly he didn’t care.
Full of his own happiness he decided to asked her to marry him. Expecting a resounding YES!
To his shock and amazement she too looked shocked and said “…you have got to be joking… I’m actually leaving you!!!”
The result: He was confused, she was confused and so they came for my help.
The reality is both people had assumed they understood their situation. She had assumed he would understand why she was so upset and what to do, he had not understood the gravity of her being upset and what the calm over the past year had really meant.
The reality is they were both losing a relationship that could have worked if they only knew how to translate what each other was really saying and doing.
So no matter what stage your relationship is in, it is both your responsibility to protect it. The only way you can do that is learn about it and your partner.
Both the people in this story wanted love, but had not explored past their own needs and their patterns of behaviour if those needs were not met. The result the relationship collapsed.
They both fell in love and then didn’t know how to keep it alive, so they both killed it, but didn’t know this is what they were doing.
Many couples are in this place, because they lack the skills needed to attach and stay attached emotionally.
My clients learn these skills and you can too no matter what relationship stage you are in. If you want to ensure you will avoid serious problems, or solve the problems you have this is critical to understand. Want to be a client call us today.