Far too many couples are waiting far too long to seek help so in today’s post I’m going to share my thoughts on what to look out for and what not to ignore.
This man was terrified…
I’ll never forget a couple who came for help far too late. Her pattern was not communicating her problems with him and his pattern was to assume her calm self was an indicator that she was happy.
As he walked into my room he looked terrified.
She had just told him she wanted a divorce – she was deadly serious – he could now see he was in the fight of his life.
In fact, this fight started years before and he never knew. The clock had been ticking and he just didn’t see the signs.
You see I need people fighting to protect their marriages much sooner.
Below is a list of common problems couples experience that need action.
- When one or both people end up protecting themselves from each other
- When a person is not feeling heard.
- When at least one person doesn’t feel it’s safe, to be honest.
- An ongoing conflict that’s unresolved.
- A couple that never argues.
- Couples that live transactional lives.
- When a person is only focused on themselves and their own needs.
- When a person starts to see the marriage a place of pain not pleasure.
- When a person feels they can’t be themselves in the marriage.
- When sexual attraction dies.
- When one or both people become overly controlling.
- If you see your partner as a child or weak.
- If a naturally feminine woman becomes stuck in a masculine energy.
- When a man feels he can’t please her.
- When one person feels that they are not Number one to their partner.
- When one person stops loving themselves in a quest to love their partner.
- When a person meets their partners needs as a trade.
- The couple stops having fun.
- When one person feels better outside the marriage with friends.
- When a person in a marriage feels judged.
- When a person stops seeing a future together.
- Not feeling loved, supported.
- Feeling stifled unable to grow.
- Lack of openness.
- When a person is unaware how issues in their past that are affecting them today.
I could go on and on…
How many of these problems do you have in your marriage?
Just one listed above is enough to lead a marriage to shut down if it goes on unresolved, what accelerates it is when a person starts to stack resentments in multiple areas and moves towards emotional detachment.
Many couples come to me because I help them unravel the confusion, the misunderstandings, I give them tools to deal with life together I help them find ways to really connect on a much deeper level.
For so many couples I do help them bring dead loveless relationships back to life through building a brand new relationship with new perspectives and intelligence.
You see what bright couples are doing is them come with destructive feelings, they put them on hold as they start to learn what’s happened and why.
- If a wife is shut down the question is – Why?
- If a husband won’t communicate – Why?
- If there has been an affair – Why?
- If a person doesn’t feel loved or important – Why?
Relationships that are suffering do so for really good reasons and most couples have jaw on floor moments when they discover their truth.
One lady spent time with me learning about her marriage – she said she has had so many conversations with her girlfriends about all their husbands. She said we girls all think we are right and our husbands are wrong or broken in some way – we are all wrong, aren’t we?
“Yes,” I said.
You think he has not understood you, and you are right, BUT you have equally misunderstood him too.
It’s only gaining the real truth about your relationship is going to give you a safe way forward.
My message today is if you want to gain a safe passionate relationship you must learn how to protect it and if you do start to experience any of those problems listed above don’t wait seek help now.
Stephen Hedger runs tailor-made private courses for.
- Couples in crisis
- Couples who have lost their passion.
- Couples just starting out or about to be married.
Every couple will have problems so gaining the right information tools and perspectives make living together so much easier and significantly more fun.