When a person is out of control of their own emotional triggers they can blame others for the feelings they are creating.
With a shift of understanding the couples problems and the triggers do not have to end the marriage as so many have discovered.
To avoid permanent problems a person must take responsibility for the following:
1. Our own emotions once we are triggered
2. Reducing how we trigger our partner.
An emotional trigger is a moment when a person without thought follows a pattern of behaviour.
This behaviour is usually not reflective of who they are normally and in most cases will be damaging to their connection in the moment.
Some people are triggered to anger, some frustration, some to withdraw or shut down, some to please.
Step one: Looking after your own triggers is critical
We all have these triggers and it’s important to know that our partner can trigger us, but past the initial trigger we are individually 100% responsible for the emotions we then experience.
We are the creators of our own loss of control of ourselves.
Firstly each person is responsible for looking after their own emotional response to ensure their emotional triggers are not used to control the relationship or the partner.
Secondly out of control emotional triggers can help us misrepresent who we really are and the triggered identity becomes what we are known for.
The mission is to understand our own triggers and find a way of discovering the choices that are available to us and choose empowering protective ones that free both people.
Step two: Look after your partners triggers
Our partner will also have triggers and it’s important to reduce how we trigger them.
Of course some people are triggered due to events that proceed the relationship such as bad historic relationships, or poor parenting.
Some may be triggered by loss of trust within the relationship.
Some may be triggered by triggers that are natural to that gender.
Whichever it is, if you love your partner and you want to get the best out of your relationship reducing the triggers must be on the critical list for healing.
In successful relationships, the couple has learnt how to trigger each other’s positive emotions even when things go wrong, or become stressful.
When things go wrong wisdom and intelligence helps couples to see their natural trigger was one choice, but with so many other approaches available to them they both have the power to change the outcome.