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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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He filed for divorce totally unaware of the truth

In November 2016 he told me he was done – this was his first and last meeting with me and he was going to file for divorce. He was fed up with years of her being negative and controlling of him and everything around her.

He said he loved who she was when they first met but over the years and after a first child she had changed and he was now unable to stay with her.

He told me the relationship had been so difficult for him he felt he had no choice but to seek love elsewhere.

So he created a secret relationship with another woman and stayed with his wife not wanting to leave his child. It was his way of staying with the family but he was now at the end and needed to move on.

In his head the situation was clear but I could see he was missing some crucial information.

He was unaware that who she had become was not who she really was. The reality was she had been in emotional trouble for years and they both didn’t know.

So rather than finding out why she had changed he just accepted that this was the new her and he couldn’t live with her negativity anymore.

As I spoke with him I could hear he had genuinely tried everything he could think of.

He was also totally unaware of the things he was trying had actually made her worse and so she simply became more entrenched.

This is a very common problem that when couples try to fix their problems they actually make them much worse.

The reason this happens is because they don’t understand the real problem so they try and fix either a symptom or what they think the problem is with disastrous consequences.

In this case, this lady had become emotionally overwhelmed and her system had fired up a survival mechanism that had emotionally detached her from her husband and herself.

This meant any intimacy was very difficult for her so added to the husbands’ suffering.

In her head, she was just trying to get through every day – one day at a time. Life for them both was no longer fun, passionate or light.

She didn’t know what had happened to her so she wasn’t trying to get out of this emotional state she was simply reacting to it.

It’s almost like an open wound that never heals – it makes someone irritable and negative and emotionally exhausted.

Over the years he asked her what he could do to help her, but she had no idea and all she could come up with are solutions that practically helped her but never really shifted her out of this dark hole.

Both people were emotionally exhausted but she didn’t want him to leave.

He knew he couldn’t stay with her this way.

I helped the husband understand what I was seeing and naturally, he pushed back and became animated and upset with me. I was asking him to get to the truth which was different from the truth he had created.

So it was a big decision for him but he needed to know the truth before he moved on.

Due to her emotional overwhelm and her husbands’ natural frustration with her she had become so stuck over the years she had lost all emotional connection with herself and sadly didn’t know.

As I helped her reconnect with herself and supported her husband with how to support her the couple were able to reconnect.

By helping the husband to really understand what had happened to her he brought new compassion with a curiosity to learn what they were really capable of together.

For her, she now understood what had happened and how to either help herself in the future or call upon her husband to help her.

Essentially the couple were now fully aligned and this is a place both people can live.

His message to me was I can’t believe the change in her.

Her message to me is her husband is now her hero! She said, “I never wanted him to leave but I really didn’t like him, but looking back I didn’t like myself either.”

Virtually every couple I work with are totally disconnected to their real problem and so they go round in circles destroying their connection to each other.

To all the couples I see my first piece of advice is to stop trying to fix their problem before we have defined the root cause because you will do more harm than good.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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