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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“How to save my marriage alone”

Many people are trying to save their marriages on their own, but in far too many cases they are making the situation worse without realising or meaning to.

There are many reasons why a spouse won’t join in the search for help, but it’s frustrating when doing nothing isn’t the solution either and in many cases, you know a lack of action is actually making the situation worse.

So what do you do?

I speak to so many people who initially ask me to help them, but they have a fixed view that there is no point having sessions until their partner attends as well.

This is a significant mistake and I’ll explain why 

Below are two clients that if they had waited for their partner to be ready they would have lost them forever, read their stories and then I’ll explain what’s going on.

Case #1

One of my clients famous in the music industry came for help to win his long-term girlfriend and mother to his children back. 

He started the process on his own, he went through the pain of her leaving the family home, discovering she had met someone new. He stuck in there learning all he could about what it took to become a valuable partner and how to support her so she could find a safe way back to him.

Bit-by-bit he regained her trust through connecting to the self within him she originally fell in love with. He learned how to be of value to her, how to rebuild their connection and her trust in him that he would be there for her no matter what.

He used that certainty as a foundation to consciously learn and apply new behaviours that would help them keep their passion and love alive.

He made it his mission to consciously practise all he had learnt.

One year later they got married!

He shifted 3 things – his mindset, his relationship with himself and his knowledge of how to regain her trust and build a successful relationship.

Now imagine! His life today would be totally different if he had made a different decision based on the limiting belief that she needed to attend the sessions for this process to work.

Case #2

Another client was kicking himself, his wife wanted to seek help and for a year he ignored her cry for help. She stopped asking and 6 months later she moved out. 

Distraught he came to me, he wanted them both to attend and couldn’t see how it could work if she didn’t take part.

Upon hearing his story I knew she was unlikely to attend and he would lose his chance if he didn’t start now.

He was unsure, but he knew what he was doing was pushing her further away.

So he had a life-changing decision to make. Take his chances with what he knew wasn’t working or put his resources into doing all he could.

He said I don’t know if this will work, but I need to know I did all I could.

He signed-up.

He had limited time to connect with her as he only saw her when he picked up the kids.

He spent the first 4 weeks resetting his connection with himself. He also spent time learning about her thinking and her needs which then helped him understand the steps he needed to take to rebuild her trust in him to be able to support her.

It took a few weeks, but he said he could see his changes were having an impact on her.

Eventually, she became curious about these changes in him and he told her he was seeing me and I would like to speak with her.

She turned up to a session, her energy was very guarded as I expected.

She learned about the changes I was helping him with why he had struggled historically. I helped her become curious about the hidden complexities in intimate relationships and offered to help her.

She agreed to spend 4 weeks with me to learn more.

This lead her to want to test their relationship to see what they were capable of.

Six months later she moved back in.

Why do so many lose their one chance of saving their marriage through thinking they both need to attend sessions?

People who are trying to save their marriage on their own are unaware it’s the changes I help the individuals to make is at the root of what will help their partner make changes within them or energise them to seek help.

The old cliche is we’ll have a better relationship if my partner changed. In reality, both people needed to change and if you’re doing this alone then you must go first.

Essentially if you want to change your marriage then you must start with changing yourself first.

The problem people have is they don’t know what to do and if they do find the right behaviour they are not consistent with it because it doesn’t instantly work.

Remember, becoming disconnected didn’t happen overnight and so looking for an instant to fix to something that took years to break isn’t reasonable.

Now I know that change is instant if a person will allow that change in, but what takes the time is a person is waiting to feel safe to make a change as they battle with their minds internal conflict.

The mission is to help the person speed up the time it takes to feel safe to make the change, that will then help them to breakthrough and reconnect to their true self and their relationship.

Some people do this whole process with me on their own and some partners start to attend partway through the process.

It’s so important that one person takes responsibility for the relationship because the moment both people give up it really is all over.

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Over 850 Relationship Articles

 

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Please Save Our Marriage! – Testimonial

March 1, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

Please Save Our Marriage! This was the first email I recieved from Darren and Sue, they were at breaking point. When they first entered my clinic you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. This was a couple with young children on the edge, breaking up seemed like the only option open to them… Sue […]

“He thought his life was over..!”

March 1, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is a little different. I wanted to share with you a clients words about his experience of the pain of his divorce and the process of rebuilding him and his future. Over to him… The words hit me like a hammer ~ “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken, you never were. […]

“His emotions were sabotaging what he really wanted…”

November 3, 2019 By Stephen Hedger

What you are about to read is about is a gentleman in turmoil. He thought he had lost the girl he loved and his one-year-old son. She had left him and this connected him to his core fears, emotions that were powerful enough to sabotage him from getting the very thing he wanted. As his […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for saving marriages from divorce through his tailored Marriage Breakthrough Program.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • An Intimacy Conundrum
  • The cost of NOT hearing a cry for help
  • Triggered?
  • “If you change yourself, you can change your life…”
  • Effective communication for couples…

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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