One of the challenges couples face is when a partner brings what they call facts to the table and their partner disagrees. The couple can ping-pong and escalate out of control as both fight their corner.
So to be clear the persons feelings about what they are communicating will be true, but the facts as they communicate them will be perceptual based on many filters all humans use to create meaning.
Please remember that our mind is not a voice and video recorder.
If 100 people watch the same movie each person will create their own meaning and experience. This means we have 100 perceptions of the same fact.
Couples can get so caught up in facts they lose sight of what’s really important, this make couples feel sick because they can’t get through to each other.
Trying to get the facts right will only cause your relationship more problems. People who are more interested in being right or winning the ‘fact war’ usually end up winning and being right, but also end up alone.
Take some time to think, is it more important to be right? Or is it more important to notice how your partner is feeling based on their words and put that first?
If you watch how they are feeling you can become a powerful partner because if they are in pain emotionally you can look after them rather than making their pain about you which always causes more problems and loss of respect.
What you are trying to create is to be as magnetic as possible.
Being right and winning creates resistance and hidden resentments.
Caring about what someone is feeling makes you selfless and a magnetically attractive partner that can be trusted.
- Looking for help now worried you are heading for serous problems or worse please click here for help
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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