Many years ago, they considered stress to be a killer; what they discovered was really important and can positively affect your marriage.
It wasn’t the stress that was killing people.
What they learnt was “the meanings” each person was giving their stress was the creator of their emotional responses.
For example, if two people were working in the same company and both were experiencing the same stress, why was one person thriving and the other ill with stress?
It was down to the meanings they gave their job; one loved it, and one hated it.
Now look at this problem in relationships.
People are creating meanings that stress them, and so they naturally move to protect themselves from their partner/relationship.
The big problem is that the meanings people in relationships are creating are not necessarily accurate or true, but they see them as facts because their pain is real.
Sadly too many people are convinced their meanings are accurate, and so they accept the painful feelings those meanings create and keep attaching them to their partner.
Individuals need to start challenging their own meanings to make safe decisions because that’s what triggers their feelings, good and bad.
This daily practice of unchallenged thinking can put a person on track for emotional distress and unnecessary disconnection.
I know that anyone joining this blog who is not in marital crisis today is likely to call me in two years in crisis due to this very problem compounding over time.
I know this because I get told that story almost every day.
I have to help my clients put accurate meanings to their partner words and actions so they can see their problem in solvable terms.
People are putting dead-end meanings to their problems, and this leads them to the conclusion they are incompatible.
Meanings are powerful at creating feelings so you must get the meanings right.
Inherently men and women are not good at this with each other they make too many assumptions and some even think their partner should think the same as them.
I remember helping a lady who decided to put her meanings to my words in a session and she then made me responsible for what her brain did with my words.
I had to help her see this practice of changing or mind-reading the meaning behind her husbands words in her relationship is terribly destructive and likely to bring out the worst in him.
When people create these errors of thinking, they can literally think themselves out of a perfectly good marriage.
So peoples thinking must be challenged to help them see new ways to translate their relationship.
Changing the pattern
The biggest advantage is when a person can put an accurate meaning to their partner words or actions, they can bring an energy to then trigger them positively.
A recent couple were both shown how to do this so they could get the best out of each other.
Their thinking had to be changed so they could not only understand how to translate their own feelings constructively, they were able to influence each other positively.
This practice lowers stress and brings a healthy energy to each other.
Education is the key to safe lasting relationships.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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