“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point.
The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown).
I had finally moved to his country where I was renovating the house I had bought some years ago and the plan had been for us to move there together after the renovation was completed.
But I was feeling afraid to commit and I had concerns if something were to go wrong. I was happy for us to spend more time together but him keeping his house was my backup plan.
Also, I felt at times disconnected from my partner and I was concerned that we were not a real match.
My partner showed no understanding for my feelings, and he therefore felt utter rejection and withdrew. We were unable to talk about the issues in a constructive way.
We had a few sessions with a therapist which had no impact at all. My partner and I completely stopped communication.
I had read Stephen’s blogs for a while and his messages resonated with me. I therefore reached out to Stephen for his help.
Stephen was very quickly able to see inside our situation and understand the dynamics between me and my partner.
He was able to show me insight into my behaviors and how they would impact my partner, even without hearing his perspective.
Much like in his blogs, Stephen provides advice and insights on the basis of real-life examples which I found extremely helpful.
Stephen talked me through a structured process of understanding my relationship values and rules, and how to use these to define my wants and needs and articulate the situations I want to avoid.
He explained the six critical needs that we all share and helped me prioritize them.
I then considered and scored how these needs were being met by my partner and how I thought that I met his critical needs.
Stephen further taught me how I can influence my partners emotional state and positive behavior, what he calls the “Relationship Superpower”.
Perhaps because I am a lawyer and like rational thinking, I found Stephen’s structured approach extremely effective.
It allowed me to gain clarity in my mind about what I need and expect in a relationship, and how my partner and I had supported each other in meeting these needs and expectations (and how we didn’t!).
This led me to conclude that I could not walk away from the relationship and wanted to find a means to make it work. I also articulated action points that would help me in any future relationship.
I then reached out to my partner and explained the work that I had done and my commitment to our future. There was never a question that we both still loved each other.
We have now reset our relationship, and we are both committed to rebuilding it on the basis of our deep love and the beautiful experiences we have shared in the past 5 years.
I am confident that with the tools I was given our relationship will get stronger and last our lifetime.