Discover the process of loving yourself whilst building a bulletproof connection with your partner regardless of past wrongs?
The concept of “loving myself” is intrinsically connected to embracing our own emotional health.
Our emotional health is also a critical foundation for a successful connection in a couples marriage.
Yet loving myself and a healthy self-connection is one of the most over-looked parts of helping couples rebuild their connection.
If helping two people regain their true-self is not part of their solution changes are likely to be short lived.
Many people lose connection with themselves in their marriage.
This happens through problems such pleasing, controlling, protecting, judging and blaming to name a few common ones.
Many couples problems are rooted in their loss of connection to what’s important within them when they are with their partner.
This type of disconnection will cause emotional pain and suffering if the process is prolonged.
Many people would agree they would probably be far nicer to a complete stranger than they are with their spouse?
They would also agree who they are with their partner is also not them?
Judging and blaming isn’t loving
This really is my point, the concept of loving yourself might seem a bit self-absorbed, but there is an important message.
You have to become what you value if you are going to be of value to yourself and others.
The times we feel good with others is when two people can be themselves with each other.
They know they won’t need their weapons or their shields, they know their meeting is simply about enjoying their connection.
So their focus is on being what they value, fun, humorous, connecting, trusting, confident etc.
Many close friends have this energy, many relationships really don’t, hence the hostile energy.
Too many people in intimate relationships are not being what they themselves value.
Unless people discover how to be kind and loving to themselves through the ups and downs of marriage life they will keep disconnecting from who they are.
They will feel bad and will then blame the relationship or their partner.
This is the secret so many are missing, loving yourself is the process of being and staying connected to who you really are.
When I discovered this concept I discover a fundamental problem.
So the process of loving myself is actually about staying connected to what I value.
What I value represents who I am, my character the identities that bring value to ourselves and to those we care about.
So if I am a loving, kind caring person.
How do I remain connected to that loving energy when my partner is behaving badly.
How do you love yourself when all hell is breaking loose?
It’s the answer to this question is where your life solutions sits.
Most people fail because they don’t have the correct translation for what is happening.
So they feel they are being attacked and now they are losing connection with themselves.
The key is understanding that you must never change you or who you are in reaction to your relationship problems.
You must be able to stop the reactive triggers that disconnect you from yourself, these were not designed for your marriage.
Fear based triggers like these are really looking to fight or run and neither is useful to you in solving your marriage problems.
Fear based triggers are perfect for a bear attack which is what they are designed for.
The problem with a reactive fear based energy is no one is focused on what the bear is feeling.
Which is ok for a bear attacking us but terrible for a couples marriage.
So by stopping the reactive fight or flight triggers an individual is creating space to access the situation and decide on the feelings they want to move their partner towards.
This way the person is loving themselves and bringing care to whatever their partner is going through.
Interrupting a partners destructive pattern and leading them to energies they would like is no doubt a real skill.
The beauty of this skill is it can be learnt.
You don’t have to stop loving yourself, hating who you become when you are around your partner.
There is a choice to learn the skill of understanding and influencing a person so they feel good and attach that feeling to you.
So is now the best time to love yourself by claiming these life changing tools?