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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Marriage Tip One: Be Aware That Your Mind Will Grow Whatever You Feed It?

Whatever you feed your mind will come true. You will become what you think most about. This law is universal and in relationships it’s very obvious to see.

Follow the words below and see how you can
relate this to your life and relationship.

When a couple first meets and they share that powerful magnetic attraction for each other. What they are going to be focused on is what’s so great about their new lover.

They can daydream about all the great qualities their new lover has, they feel excited and full of anticipation, the world looks brighter and more exciting and it’s not long before they run around telling their family and friends how amazing their new lover is.

They become overwhelmed with how great they feel when they think of or spend time with their new lover.

The euphoria is very addictive.

Because the initial attraction is so powerful the focus is on everything that’s great and this is the primary focus.

On the back of those amazing feelings the couple start to build a vision of what their lives would be like together and in that state of euphoria the future looks amazing.

At this point the couple are focused on everything that’s good so they are feeding their minds with that information.

Essentially they are stacking the pleasure.

Anyone that’s been in a relationship knows that at some point something will go wrong and the couple will feel emotional pain.

So when a problem hits the new lovers what does it mean?

This is NOW a critical moment for the couple to survive because what’s gone wrong needs to be understood. The couple at this point will create a focus and feed their mind either with what equals growth or they will start to feed their minds with what eventually equals relationship death.

If it’s brushed under the carpet it will still be there in years to come and it will fester. Just because it’s not being discussed it doesn’t mean it’s not still present.

The human mind is conditioned to focus on what causes pain and automatically tries to move us away from that pain.

To move away from pain you have to focus on it. The challenge is focusing on it just makes it worse.

Now the mind knows that the person that brought so much pleasure also has the ability to bring surprisingly painful emotions that shock and contrast the euphoria.

This puts the person on RED ALERT for the possibility of more pain. Initial they won’t want to focus on this, but if it happens again and again then clearly this is important to focus on and look out for in the future.

Now the person is focused on how they can’t trust their partner. As they feed their mind with more and more proof of how they can’t trust their partner they start to find more and more evidence.

Most people find this very easy to do and so they don’t interrupt it. Their focus will become increasingly negative blocking the good in the relationship.

This focus grows the fear and the result is the person will eventually emotionally detach from the relationship.

When this happens they shut down their feelings and now they have no desire to meet their partners needs.

The person who shuts their emotions down without knowing will assume their relationship is dead. (Their feelings have not died they have just been shut away to protect the person from exposure to more pain)

This leads to a desire to leave the relationship, the person can stay of course, but the person will find other ways to meet their own needs outside the relationship. This can be new sexual partners, drinking, friends, drugs, gambling to name a few.

So the couple have moved from a position of growing addictive pleasure to a position of growing pain, fear, resentment and loss of respect.

When a person stacks enough problems over time they can go back and rewrite their history with their partner.

Stories like, “ I never felt we were compatible, I was never really sexually attracted to you, I knew your work was more important than me.

These stories serve as a means to justify to onlookers that leaving the relationship is for the best.

Now the person will tell their story to others and others will agree with their story and confirm leaving sounds like the best decision.

What you have read above is what 95% of the population does in some form and is the direct result of feeding their minds with the wrong focus.

  • What if you were to do something different? What if you made a NEW decision to feed your mind with what will really creates growth, love and security?
  • What would happen to your relationship if you both learn’t how to focus on feeding your mind on what would maintain and grow, love, passion and  adventure.
  • What would happen if your fed your mind the information that created a deeper and more exciting bond than you had when you first met?

You know your truth, you know what you have been thinking and you can see the result because you are living it right now.

The message is simple: Your life will become a result of what you habitually think about.
What you think about creates your behaviors and your behaviors will create your future.

Are you ready to make a change? If so click here.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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