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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Marriages are failing because…

What is it that makes so many marriages fail? Many couples fall into the trap of these common problems.

Below are 6 significant reasons couples are failing that I keep seeing in my sessions that might be useful for you to be aware of.

1. I don’t feel important to you

When one person feels unimportant to their partner there will be problems.

These problem will escalate because other things feel more important than them and this will create natural fears.

This can be work, friends, family, the special friend you confide in etc.

Insignificance in a relationship is damaging as it puts the person into self-protection and that process kills their connection and eventually their love.

When someone gives their life to another they must feel that they matter or problems will be just around the corner.

To be clear some people do feel their partner is most important to them, but their partner doesn’t feel it and so that gap has to close.

2. Not letting go of the past

Relationships that suffer most are the ones that are living in the past, they don’t live in the truth or possibility of today and the joint aspirations of the future.

The main reason someone will keep hold of the past is for self-protection due to past problems.

You have just learnt what a destructive force self-protection is for couples, so it isn’t the security people think it is.

As the past no longer exists, it can only exist as a memory that needs to be understood and cared about so the person can let the past go safely.

This is a process for that person, but it’s critical that person wants to shift their thinking to desiring a better now and a brighter future.

When wrongs happen in a marriage a person has a choice to go or stay.

If they stay and then they bring the pain of the past into today and the future it means neither person can connect or grow.

So if this is a problem then it must be addressed quickly so you can grow together and use the past as something to learn from rather than a weapon or a defence.

3. My needs are not being met

Problems happen when, how life should be, doesn’t match how it is, there is always discomfort followed by resentment stacking if the problem isn’t addressed.

When you know you have to go outside of your relationship to feel alive and connected to yourself there is a problem that needs addressing.

This is a problem that will not go away in fact it can escalate into resentments that can catastrophically cripple a couples connection.

So where are you meeting your needs? If it is not in the marriage and you want the marriage to work how will you redirect them?

The moment all critical needs are met outside the marriage the relationship will lose importance and so will eventually suffer and die.

4. Not being on the same page

When couples are not on the same page with what’s important to each person this can cause a profound disconnect.

What might be a priority for one person may not be a priority for another, both perspectives must matter.

Kids, careers, finances, life plan, are you on the same page heading in the same direction as a team?

  • Do you agree on how conflicts are dealt with?
  • Do you agree on how the kids are educated and disciplined?
  • Do you agree on how to explore your sexual connection so it doesn’t die?
  • Are you on the same page with communication?
  • Are you one the same page with with what equals truth, trust and respect?

Alignment is critical without it each person can feel lonely and look outside the marriage to feel connected and safe again, kids, work, friends and many do chose affairs.

5. Relationship worries

If a person is fuelled by a fear they are not enough for their partner or they worry they are won’t be loved by their partner that person will move to focus on self-protection energies.

If a person is waiting for an axe to fall, then they will lose connection to themselves and their fears will take over.

Some become hostile and some withdraw detach or self numb.

This must be addressed as depression, anxiety and stress can be the result.

Another challenge is a person can become a problem to divert intention away from the real problem such as becoming a victim, overly controlling or controlling passively as a few examples.

Essentially the pattern they chose to protect themselves will not make them happy and will compound their negative feelings and the desire to protect will escalate with it.

Some people can become paralysed and will not take action in any direction as nothing feels safe.

6. Vibrancy and aliveness is replaced with apathy and boredom

I meet so many couples that have essentially died with each other.

They have no energy for each other. They sit in their homes looking after their children going to work, watching TV, bored with their life.

Many are living separate lives just to cope.

Groundhog Day!

Many couples think their aliveness and passion has gone, it hasn’t.

In truth, they have lost or forgotten how to bring an attractive energy to each other and so everything is an effort.

Couples have lost their spark because they are waiting for feelings instead of creating them.

The key is understanding how to choose the feelings you want and become those feelings.

It’s also important to create projected excitement as future dread based on past problems is going to hamper a persons desire to step into that less than pleasurable future.

This is why bringing pleasure to your connection today builds the memories which are the foundation for what the future could hold.

Each day is a gift so make it count.

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Rebuilding trust

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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