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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“My partner says they don’t love me anymore – what do I do?”

If your partner is telling you their love for you has died, there are a few very powerful things you should and shouldn’t do if your goal is to get them back into the marriage.

Loss of love doesn’t happen over night and can be a total mystery to their partner which leaves them feeling lost and powerless.

The things you should do, most people don’t do….

…and the things they shouldn’t do, they almost always do.

So the first thing you must NOT do is PANIC!

Loss of love is something the person has created within them, so it means it’s not permanent and can be undone with the right approach.

Look at this example: Many couples come to me after they have divorced totally confused. They want to understand why they fell out of love, divorced each other regretted the divorce and are now together back in love again, but now fearful this trauma will happen again.

If you are a regular reader then you will know that, I agree that there are couples that shouldn’t be together, but leaving a relationship/family without really understanding what’s happened has many hidden problems which can show up in future relationships.

The goal: If you want to get your partner back into the relationship you have to help them feel great about themselves when you are in their mind.

Can you now see the challenge you face.

Your panic/anger/fear will not create that, what those emotions will create in them is either contempt, feeling sorry for you, feeling guilty, or simply anger at your selfishness.

None of these emotions will bring them back in. In fact it will just help them solidify their decision to leave.

So what are the MUST NOTS if you want them back.

  • Don’t make their pain about you.
  • Don’t cycle through emotions such as frustration, anger, sadness it will just help them to see you as erratic.
  • Don’t tell them they have a great relationship, that’s not their experience and will create even more distance.
  • Don’t say, “….you know I love you”. Your love for them is not the issue, it’s their loss of love for you that their real problem.
  • Husbands: Don’t suddenly become house husband of the year. When a woman is looking for a real man to be a life long lover and best friend. Packing the dish washer was not on her list of needs.
  • Wives: Don’t test him to see if he loves you, he won’t understand the test and all he will feel is better he is getting out.
  • Don’t ever put pressure on them for answer. Any pressure they don’t like can send them into the wrong decision.
  • Don’t become needy

What are the MUSTS

  • Get on the same page as them as fast as possible. Once they feel understood by you then their guard can come down and there is then potential for learning and growth.
  • Give your partner space to breathe and think, despite what they say to you there is a part of them that is questioning such a big decision.
  • Time is not on your side so get help as fast as possible there is going to be a window that is where they are either confused, or unsure about what they are thinking or about to do.
  • If they won’t come for help, go on your own.

Loss of love explained

Loss of love is a feeling that’s created as a result of needing to protect oneself from their partner, understanding what that protection has been about is key to your success which is why it’s so important to seek help.

One couple had been in therapy for 4 months before they came to me for a second opinion. They felt although the therapy/counselling was painful/helpful in talking about their problems, but they had stopped making progress.

They felt they needed a different approach, an educational process that offered advice, steps and new direction.

They learnt…

Out of the many things they learnt with me I helped them to understand and learn about the energy they had lost and how it not only had stopped their attraction, but had slowly starved their relationship.

Through this I helped them understand their love was not dead, just dormant waiting to be reignited.

This was the root of their problem, they needed to feel alive again, excited about their connection and their future of being a team together.

At a Glance: Relationship Building Programs available to you with Stephen Hedger

  • If you are in marital crisis you may need a tailor made 12 week Marriage Breakthrough Program.
  • If you NOT in crisis, but going round in circles then you may need a 6 week Relationship Repair Program.
  • If your in personal crisis then you may need a 4, 8 or 12 week Personal Breakthrough Program.

If your interested in any of Stephen’s programs either

Book an initial consultation so Stephen can assess what you need click here, or call to discover more information.

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Recent Posts

  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
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  • In Crisis, their Minds Destroyed Their Lives
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  • Case Studies: “How Changing Your Perspective Can Fix Your Relationship—Here’s Proof”

Over 1300 Relationship Articles


Categories

  • A thought for Sunday (29)
  • Case Studies (2)
  • Communication (70)
  • Destructive Patterns (137)
  • Discussion (2)
  • Infidelity-Affairs (38)
  • Loss of Love (43)
  • Loss of passion (35)
  • Lost Attraction (22)
  • Marriage Coaching (423)
  • Marriage Mastery Assessment (1)
  • Masculine & Feminine (9)
  • Monday Breakthrough (2)
  • Personal Development (104)
  • Rebuilding trust (39)
  • Relationship Stories (24)
  • Retirement Crisis (6)
  • Save Marriage Alone (42)
  • Separation & Divorce (9)
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts (54)
  • Stuck (9)
  • Testimonials (59)
  • Top 10 Popular Posts (12)
  • Uncategorized (761)

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

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Recent Posts

  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
  • Impossible Marriage Problems?
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*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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