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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“She lost connection with herself”

If you are in a marriage where the love has died and living together is now transactional or being together is a struggle due to constant conflict this post is for you.

In yesterday’s post, I highlighted a problem that most are unaware of.

There are many people who are living in the wrong identity in their marriage and for these people giving and receiving love is a significant challenge not just for them, but for those that love them.

It’s critical they are helped either back to who they are or for some it’s critical they are introduced to themselves for the first time.

Without a healthy connection to myself, how will I ever be “Marriage FIT?”

So a question I may ask you is “when was the last time you felt like you?”

Some find this question profoundly emotional as they realise their truth, some can’t remember and some can take themselves back to a time when they felt free.

“How on earth did I get here?”

This shift in identity has a sliding scale.

Some have a profound total shift where they struggle to connect and trust everyone including their own children, in some, this is an active choice due to resentments in others they just feel numb.

Others shift to where they do feel a connection to themselves, but only when they are away from the marriage.

Others will shift in and out in reaction to situations or problems that don’t feel fair or just.

To be honest all this is exhausting for them and their partners and it’s not uncommon for me to meet two people who are doing this.

Any emotional disconnect from being yourself is always going to be painful.

Which identity a person is living in means at times or all the time they have the ability to become an identity that doesn’t reflect who they are.

In this place, they will suffer and many attach that suffering to their partner.

They have no idea they are doing this, it’s all happening without thought.

The more they practice it the greater the chance of a permanent marital disconnect so it’s critical one person at least takes action.

One of the first steps in the Marriage Breakthrough Program is helping those I’m coaching to understand who they are so they can reconnect to themselves again.

Our relationship with ourselves is a critical part of any couple’s process.

Relationships do have a tendency to help someone disconnect from themselves.

They may become disconnected and feel constant frustration or anger, they may suffer from feeling sadness or self-pity.

This is the persons emotional system trying to meet their needs but in a way that never feels good.

At this point, they are vulnerable to alcohol, drugs or other addictions or addictive behaviours simply to stop and get off their cycle of emotional pain.

As this is a never-ending cycle of suffering the person may feel depressed as their situation grows into feeling hopeless.

In the extreme, a person can feel their life is unwinnable and this can lead to thoughts of suicide.

The mission is to pull the person out of those unhelpful emotional states and give them the tools to reconnect to themselves so they can make safer decisions.

In these states people can struggle to see how anyone can help them.

I remember a lady child psychologist, who was suffering from depression due to an ongoing disconnect between herself and her husband.

In one of her sessions, I showed her how fast she could shift her emotions by choice by understanding how they worked.

She experience a full range of different emotional states within twenty minutes and this showed her how she could take back control.

It’s critical a person is helped out of their unhelpful emotional states because they need a different level of thinking to deal with their marital problems.

Some people come to me because they are fed up with feeling this way and want to make a change.

Others are fed up with living with a partner who is this way so I have to coach them to help their partner out of this state.

People who have lost connection with themselves won’t make good partners because their emotional state is designed for self-protection.

Self-protection in a marriage is a foundational energy that people need to help them emotional exit any situation.

So as I explained to all my clients a relationship with another person always has three parts.

Your relationship with yourself, your partner’s relationship with themselves and the dynamic this creates.

This is why the start of any process starts with the individuals first they have to be “Marriage Fit!”

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Marriage at Risk from Destructive Triggers”
  • “The Root Cause Revolution”
  • “Top 1% Marriages do Something Different…”
  • “I had to stop her – she was killing the marriage she wanted to keep!”
  • “The Biggest Relationship Red Flag”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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