The number one change that has made the difference for my clients is to change what they are trying to control.
People in unsuccessful relationships tend to want to control their partner, and this is always a disaster.
What this practice creates is a cascade of negative emotions on both sides.
The key shift that needs to be made is not to control your partner.
The key is to control yourself.
People who want to control others do so because they need others to behave in a certain way, so they are emotionally ok.
This pattern rarely works out well.
A fear of some kind is usually the driver for people who need to control others.
When I help individuals understand how to reconnect with themselves minus the fear, they are then in the best place to bring new energy to their partner and their relationship.
Couples in crisis usually adopt a pattern of disconnect, and they run the pattern the same way with the same unhappy result.
Some conclude this equals the truth about their relationship.
What it really is, is the truth of their pattern.
It’s not easy to control another person, and it rarely works out well, so what if the person’s focus was shifted to make changes in themselves.
You see, if one person shifted their energy, approach, and perspective, what impact could they have?
I have seen many people learn how to reconnect to a partner who had, left them; some started divorce proceedings.
They came back into the marriage because new patterns were created through one person changing themselves, so a new connection was formed this time one they could live in.
One person has the power to change the whole relationship by changing how they think and then approach their partner.
Many people can’t see past their own destructive patterns and blindly run them destroying a relationship they really want to keep.
In every situation, there are many ways to bring out the best in yourself and your partner.
Unfortunately, most people bring out the worst in themselves and their partner destroying their connection.
People that are married to their negative patterns tend to blame others and keep experiencing the same problems in each relationship they try.
What if just one person learned how to bring a more powerful warm and loving energy into their marriage?
What if that power brought out the best in themselves and at the same time brought out the best in their partner?
I have seen many couples transform their connection with their partner by transforming themselves.
In many cases, one person takes the lead and starts the process, and many partners do follow through curiosity.
One confused lady said “I’ve spent 15 years trying to change my husband and you’ve had him for a few weeks and he’s now changed.
What did you do to him?”
Critical skills to enable emotional reinvestment
- How to bring out the best in yourself.
- How to bring out the best in your partner.
- How to conflict successfully.
- How to grow together as time creates changes.
- How to plan for excitiment.
- How to keep the passion alive.
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