I have had so many instances with my clients that when I explain in detail how and why their values are the key to a happy life for them, they breakdown in total disbelief that they have lived their lives all this time without knowing this life changing and critical information.
Grown men have cried, women have put their head in their hands, some have become angry, some look back with regret of how their lives could have been different if they had really understood this back before their problems really started.
- So many powerful reactions to this silent wonder that sits within us without us knowing.
See the thing is, when I talk to people about values they usually say yes they understand them, and that they have great values for life.
I then I discover that what they think they understand is far from reality, and so they actually have no idea, not only of what a value really is, but how to use them to get the lives they really want.
I remember the day so clearly day when I understood this and suddenly my life just seemed to snap into sharp focus. I discovered that my values were the key to the life I wanted.
- The challenge that everyone faces is to understand them and persistently meet your values every day.
Because if you understand the values that are needed to be the person you have always wanted to be, and you meet those values every day you cannot fail in being happy and true to you.
The rules of values
Anyone that is unhappy is NOT living by their values. Understanding your values and how to meet them is the pathway to your emotions.
- THE RULES ARE SIMPLE: If you meet your values you will be happy, if you don’t you will be unhappy.
Understanding this changes everything because the way we live our lives is with a goal to be happy.
For example people go in search of many ways to be happy.
A woman may go in search of a dress to be happy. She believes the dress will make her happy. In the moment the dress does make her happy, but it does not last for long and so she has to repeat the process to be happy again.
What she has not understood is that the process of buying the dress has given her emotions. It’s the emotions she is after that she gets when she buys the dress, but she thinks it’s the dress she wants, this is her illusion.
She may feel more confident, powerful, in control, significant, attractive…etc When she feels anyone of these things many of her values are being met, but it’s likely she has no idea which one’s, all she knows is she feels happy and this is the route to it.
- What if she understood how to meet all those emotions through her values without buying anything? What would happen is she could find way to gain lasting happiness that is not conditional on stuff or in this case a dress.
Another example
Many people value money so highly that they spend their lives on a quest to get as much as they can, only to ask this question “… I now have everything I could possibly want, why am I still unhappy?â€
Imagine spending your life on a quest and achieving that goal only to discover that what you went for didn’t make you happy.
This is why so many very rich people end up in therapy, they are lost and confused and now exhausted.
- These people did not understand the power of creating values for lasting happiness.
Now imagine how your relationship would be different, if you understood how to be happy through your values no matter what. Imagine if you could communicate those values to your partner so he or she knew without doubt how to make you happy and you did the same for them.
Then the route to relationship success can be yours in every part of your life.
- If this has struck a chord with you please get in touch.
Remember this: Knowledge is only power if you persistently apply that knowledge.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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