When I ask couples what is your perfect relationship? The couple usually struggle to tell me. The woman may say I want to be loved unconditionally, and feel secure. The man will usually struggles, and says what he thinks his partner wants to hear.
If a business was run this way it would fail…
If you donâ€™t define the goals of your relationship together then the relationship has no direction, no purpose and no reason for existing.
The truth is most couples want to have what they perceive to be a perfect relationship when they start out, yet when challenged have no idea what that really means.
So in translation the couple becomes upset that they have not achieved a relationship goal that neither of them can agree on or define.
Does this makes sense in anyoneâ€™s world? Of course not, but most couples do it.
Unless you have defined what you both want your future to be like, you could be putting your relationship at risk. The reason is because the mind will try to fill in the blanks that couple have neglected to create.
So what happens is the mind will create two futures, his and hers, these will be different and so when the future does not equal what the perceptions are, one or both people in the couple become unsettled or unhappy.
The needs I spoke about in the last post will create the values we all wants such as security, love, respect, gratitude, adventure, fun, trust etcâ€¦
The values/needs that have to be met are unique to each individual within a couple. So what future together will ensure that each of their critical needs/values are consistently met that still equals growth of the relationship.
Not understanding this will help any couple to be lost without knowing, until one day one of their critical values that is missing will help them to feel miserable and so they will want to leave the relationship or go elsewhere to have that value met.
Lets say the value thatâ€™s missing is adventure or fun. If you have worked tirelessly together to create a money for the future and thatâ€™s all you have done, you will feel financially secure, but this wonâ€™t equal happiness for you. You could feel bored and feel insecure that the relationship will never make you happy.
Know this, if you are unhappy in your relationship it’s because your needs/values are not being met today, or you fear a future that does not equal your values /needs being met.
Lack of direction in your relationship will equal problems… Is that what you want?