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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Why an affair is NOT the right solution

Of all the relationship challenges I deal with, this one has to be the one that causes the most problems on so many levels.

In fact, if I ever discover one person in my session is still involved with a third party and hasn’t told me, I will stop the couple’s sessions and move them to individuals sessions immediately. The reason is the brain chemistry of two people in an affair is far too powerful and creates illusions of love which will cripple their chances of fixing their marriage.

Many people who have had affairs and are struggling to end them complain of being confused, their reality is they are totally unaware they are actually battling with these powerful brain chemicals.

I have seen people make life-changing decisions during affairs only to want their marriage back months later because the brain chemistry has settled down and the new lover has now lost their appeal. Some are very lucky and get their partners back and some lose their former lives forever. 

It’s a very risky place to be because the confused person starts to ask themselves “what if…” questions. “If I leave my wife am I making a mistake?” “If I go back to my husband I will lose my new lover forever?” These people can become stuck, many suffer for years not knowing what to do, but doing nothing. This is like spinning a coin because time will eventually create a change, the question is will it be heads or tails?

Couples that have fallen victim to affairs can rebuild their relationships, but the starting point has to be the affair is over and all contact has stopped.

Unless this has happened everyone is wasting their time.

So if anyone reading this has considered an affair as a solution PLEASE DON’T as it never works out well for anyone especially the person having the affair, you see a person having an affair is not in control, they are actually out of control.

Important: If your relationship is not working, either find out why and take steps to see if it can be fixed, or leave the relationship and start again once you know why your relationship failed.

Why do affairs happen?

They happen mainly because there is a problem in their current relationship. It’s likely that the couple has tried to fix the problem(s), but without success. This focuses both people to protect themselves from each other and their problems.

This lockdown makes them vulnerable as they are both in a deficit of needs that are critical.

So I teach couples that they were both responsible for looking after their relationship and so if one or both people was unhappy they are both responsible for that challenge to fix it.

The moment a person decides an affair is a good solution, that person must own that action.

The problem for couples wanted to get over an affair is the affair becomes the focus. This is of course is natural, but the reality is the affair is not the real problem, the real problem is what they both did to make the relationship so unhappy.

The key is to get the couple to focus on how to protect their relationship both now and in the future and to unlearn what brought them to disaster and learn how to really meet each other’s critical needs.

The key is to put both people back in control of the relationship so getting to such a miserable please again is never a possibility.

Most affairs happen due to confusion, one man told me he just felt his wife didn’t love him and he suffered this for 4 years. In the end, someone showed him attention and he gave in to her.

The reality is his wife did love him, she was also protecting herself as she didn’t feel looked after by him.

You see the love was there for this couple they just didn’t know how to get to it. I have helped this couple and they are now back on track and are both seeing their mistakes, taking responsibility, and looking after each other.

If you are suffering from affair related issues it’s important to get the right help and tools.

Call Cloe today if you need more information.

Category iconInfidelity-Affairs,  Marriage Coaching,  Uncategorized

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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