Why do women in relationships have affairs? What is it that drives them into the arms of another?
Of course whatever I write here will be a generalisation to some degree as every situation is different, but I have a very unique perspective because I see so many couples with relationship problems.
Most people find it very easy to judge the person who has had the affair as a terrible person, whilst I don’t honour their decision as it is so destructive, I do understand how and why it happens.
If a couple have experienced this type of betrayal in their relationship, not understanding why is the first hurdle. Sometimes even the perpetrator doesn’t know why they did it and this makes the relationship worse.
The most common reasons she will have an affair are made up of the following:
If her critical needs are not met in the way she wants. This can be made up of…
- Not feeling loved – In the way she wants!
- Not feeling understood – In the way she wants!
- Not feeling heard – In the way she wants!
- Not feeling safe – In the way she wants!
- She feels the relationship is stale going no where!
- Not feeling important – In the way she wants!
Something or someone feels more important to her partner… I.E. His mother, his friends, a hobby.
- Feeling that she is becoming the man in the relationship. I.E. she becomes his security, he becomes needy or jealous or controlling or agressive.
- Loss of passion – In the way she wants!
- Loss of interest in intimacy – In the way she wants!
- Feeling fearful what her future is starting to look like – In the way she wants!
What I have seen so many times is if a list like this occurs over many years what can happen is she can feel so disconnected with her true self as fear sets in that she’s able to act in ways which are in total conflict with what she would normally agree is acceptable or moral.
The challenge with any couples needs is understanding them and communicating them in a way which is understood, because men and women speak a different language so the challenge is always there.
You can use the affair to further destroy the relationship or use it as a wake up call!
So if she has had an affair and you want to keep the relationship, but all you can see is images of him and her together and you’re not sure how to get past the hurt you feel, then you need to understand what’s really been going on so you can decide what to do.
- Affairs are not as clear cut as everyone would like to think. If you would like help with this please don’t hesitate get in touch as soon as you can. Please click here