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Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

I see people from all walks of life broken hearted due to the break up of their relationship. Hard as they try they cannot seem to get their painful feelings to go away.

Everything is a reminder of what they have lost, and instead of the painful feelings fading as everyone promised their feelings just seem to carry on relentlessly.

For people who experience this it’s like they are stuck in time, the world is moving around them, but they are frozen never really sure what to do to help themselves.

I see a lot of people seeking help with their break up. Below are the steps I take to help these people go from helplessness to living fun and happy lives again.

  • Step 1 – Understand their perception of where they think they are and what’s happened.

  • Step 2 – Get the client to see their relationship reality from a perspective of their true needs and values

  • Step 3 – Build a compelling future that builds self-esteem and confidence

  • Step 4 – Set action based building blocks to make the change the client desires.

The steps in more detail

  • Step 1 – Understand their perception of where they think they are and what’s happened.

Due to the shock of the actual break up and the possible months and sometimes years of problems leading to the break up, individuals can live very distorted lives. They can also create illusions of how wonderful their relationship is or was and keep remembering that perfect image. Whatever distortion they are experiencing my first job is to understand what they are doing to create the feelings they don’t want.

  • Step 2 – Get the client to see their relationship reality from a perspective of their true needs and values.

Step-by-step through critical questions the clients watches a reality they never knew existed unfold before their eyes. What this uncovers is the real truth behind why they were so unhappy in the relationship. This takes off the distortion the client used to experience as the truth. I will also help the client to collapse the meanings behind the distorted images they created that leads them to despair.

  • Step 3 – Build a compelling future that build self-esteem and confidence.

The next step is to build the clients inner strength through further understanding of how they work and why they do what they do. This can take the form of a deeper knowledge of their past and how the different versions of them were created and what they were created for. This process uncovers more truth and understanding that moves the client away from their past fears and towards a place of freedom, peace and happiness.

  • Step 4 – Set action based building blocks to make the change the client desires.

Get the client to commit to taking massive action towards creating a different story. We all create stories of our lives and so when one story ends a new one emerges. The goal is to create a story that is so compelling and powerful it dwarfs the old one thus completing the change.

The client learns how to create a win-win situation for his or her life. Relationship break up is a time for growth if approached in a constructive way.

At the end of these session the client discovers that they are armed to be able to control their emotional states and know how to choose partners that are more compatible with them. They then go into relationships with their eyes wide open know what to look for and what will make them happy.

Stephen Hedger
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